Sunday, February 28, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twenty-four



Here it is, the final episode. Even if no-one ever draws this it was a fun bit of writing, and it was nice to take an idea from start to finish in less than a month and produce 144 pages of script.

If there is anyone out there that wants to draw this, buy it, make it into an opera, a play, or a minor motion picture, then let me know.
UTTERLY RUCKED 24
Final Whistle
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Reprise the panel from the end of last time, Patton and Burnsie behind Mel, who is crouched by the body of Wayne. Mel has a hatchet in her main hand, and another weapon (a dagger?) in her other hand.
"I'm sorry I killed you, Dad. "

1/2
She swings around, swinging the hatchet at Patton and Burnsie
" ... but I'm happy to kill you bastards."

1/3
Patton jumps (or falls) back out of the way of Mel's swing. Burnsie, to his own surprise, grabs the hatchet by the handle with one hand, stopping Mel's swing.
Burnsie: Holy crap! I caught it ..."

1/4
However, while he gloats about what he's done to the weapon in Mel's right hand, he doesn't see the dagger coming that stabs him in the hand holding the hatchet.
Burnsie; "... did you see that, Mate. I caught the fucking thing with my ... hand!!"
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part 24, Final Whistle

By David Tulloch and (your name here)

Page TWO


2/1
Mel bashes Burnsie in the head with the blunt end of the hatchet, and he falls away to one side.
Paton: "Mate ... look out!"

2/2
Paton leaps on Mel, crash tackling her to the ground.

2/3
Mel stabs Patton in the lower leg.

2/4
Mel kneeling over Patton, readying the hatchet for a killing blow.

2/5
Patel swinging the fireman's axe so it knocks the hatchet from Mel's hands before it reaches Patton.
Patel: "Do I have to do everything?"


Page THREE

3/1
Mel know just has one dagger in hand. She faces off with Patel.

3/2
Mel lunges ... Patel parries the blow with the fireman's axe.
(cla-click!)

3/3
The axe and dagger go flying ...

3/4
The axe crashes into Patton, not anything sharp though, but a good, solid wallop to the head. The knife gets Burnsie in the backside so it sticks out comically.
Burnsie: "Jesus! My arse!"

3/5
Both women are now unarmed. Patel fancies she has the advantage as they face off against one another.
Patel: "Now what are you going to do, killer?"
Mel: "Well, gee, inspector ... "

3/6
Mel takes a small flick-knife out from the small
Mel "... I always carry a backup."


Page FOUR

4/1
Mel lunges, Patel does the classic grab the thrusting arm thing.

4/2
They wrestle and fall together.

4/3
Mel frees her arm ... raising it to strike, but Patel is reaching out for Burnsie's butt dagger ...

4/4
Large frame as Mel plunges the knife into Patels' side and Patel stabs Mel in the chest.
(need sound effects)


Page FIVE

5/1
Mel falls to the floor, dying. Patel stands there, stoically. Patton and Burnsie stand (a bit shakily due to their wounds) looking. Cheryl is still handcuffed, but tries to get to her dead daughter.
Patton: "Holy shit!"
Burnsie: "That was intense."
Cheryl: "My baby! My baby"

5/2
Patel kicks Mel as a way of checking she's dead. Cheryl is near, crying. Also have groaning sound effects from some unknown people ... it could be Davies, Wayne, or one of the other lads, we don't find out.
Burnsie: "So it's over?"
Patel: "Looks like it. She's dead."
Patton: Can't say I expected this when I signed up for the tour."
Cheryl (off): "Oh god! ... someone get me out of these handcuffs!"
Unknown (off): (groaning noises) glurk-kle! ca-gak!

5/3
Burnsie, Patton and Patel, arms around each other, begin to walk out of the room. Close in on their faces ... then we pull out over the course of the remaining panels.
Burnsie: "You know, mate, at the end of the day rugby was the winner."
Patton: "How'd you work that one out?"
Cheryl (fading, off): "Somebody call an ambulance!"
Unknown (fading, off): ka-kurrgh."

5/4
Burnsie: "Well, you blokes never got to play a game. Which was just as well, as I heard you were bloody shite."
Patton: "Fuck off, we were a great team. Would have won every match."


Page SIX

Burnsie, Patton and Patel walk (or rather limp) arm in arm down a hallway toward an open door with light shining from outside. Three small panels to start with, then a big one to finish.

6/1
Burnsie: "Nah, we would have wasted you."
Patton: "Speaking of wasted, how about I buy you a large drink or ten, Inspector?"

6/2
Patel: "I'll take you up on that, Patterson. I think it's time I was off duty."
Burnsie: "You realize he's just trying to get you drunk so he can get a leg over."

6/3
Patel: "Good luck to him with that leg."
Patton: "That sound's like a challenge."

6/4
Large frame to end with, of the three walking off into the light of outside through a doorway ... there are multiple speech bubbles that trail off (get smaller and smaller in text size) to show them fading out of hearing.
Patel; "If either of you is up for it after ten shots I'll surrender my virtue without a fight.."
Burnsie (fading): "I'm keen."
Patton: (fading) "Twelve shots of what? Are there rules?"
Patel: (fading more): "Scotch. Straight up."
Burnsie (fading more) "Can we have ice?"
Patel (fading more): "Sure. Why not. All the ice you want."
Patton (fading more): "Then I may suffer from hypothermia, but I'm going to nail you, inspector."

THE END
Art by Guy 'Go Canada!' Landry

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twenty-three



The penultimate episode ...
UTTERLY RUCKED 23
Injury time
by David Tulloch

Page ONE

Reprise the last panel from the previous episode, but this time a full page titles. Patel standing like a knight, holding a fireman's axe, wearing police body armour and helmet, and not much else. Patton and Burnsie looking on in awe.
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Twenty-three, Injury Time

Burnsie: "I think I'm in love."
Patton: "Hands off, mate. I saw her first."


Page TWO

2/1
Patel looks unimpressed at the naked lust from the two men.
Patel: "If you two lads are finished with your adolescent drooling ... "

2/2
Yet she plays up to it a bit anyway.
Patel: "... it's time to go kick some arse!!"
Patton: "Hell yeah!"
Burnsie: "We're ready."

2/3
Patel suddenly realises she doesn't know where Mel is.
Patel: "So which way?"

2/4
One of those moments where everyone wants to go in a different direction.
Patton: "Oh ... Wayne and Cheryl's room ... that way."
Burnsie: "I thought it was this way?"


Page THREE


3/1
Back in the hotel room. Mel is holding the axe ready to strike the unconscious Davies. Her father is still trying to reason with her.
Wayne: "He's suffered enough. You don't need to kill him, Melanie."
Mel: "Yeah, that's true ... "

3/2
Mel; "But the thing is ... I really want to kill him."
Wayne: "Please Melanie, for me?"

3/3
Mel: "It's all for you, Dad. It's all for you. Everything I've done ... everyone I've done was for you."

3/4
Patel arrives on the scene, with Patton and Burnsie cowering behind.
Patel: "Hey, bitch ... put that man down!"


Page FOUR

4/1
Mel drops Davies and turns to face Patel.
Mel: "Well, well If it isn't the clueless cop ... "

4/2
Mel: "... somehow I knew it was going to come down to you and me."
Patel: "I'm arresting you for the murders of ... well ... for a lot of murders."

4/3
Mel doing that cocking her head to one side thing again, the hatchet in her off-hand, while in her right hand she has another throwing dagger ready to throw.
Mel: "It has been a lot of murders, hasn't it. ..."

4/4
Mel throws the dagger at Patel ...
Mel: "So I guess one more doesn't matter then."


Page FIVE


5/1
The dagger hits Patel in the chest, knocking her back a little, but it doesn't get through the armour ...

5/2
Patel removes the dagger from her chest with one hand, tossing it aside.
Patel: "I was hoping you'd resist arrest.

5/3
Patel swings the fireman's axe at Mel with both hands. Mel ducks under it. Mel now just has the hatchet in her hand.

5/4
Mel cuts Patel from the ducked position in the leg with the hatchet
Mel: "Oh I can resist alright."

5/5
Patel on the ground, clucthing at her leg wound, Melanie standing over her, raising her hatchet back with two hands, but getting her father accidentally in the upper chest.
Wayne: "Melanie, stop it ... !"

5/6
Wayne has been stabbed in the upper chest with the backswing, the hatchet now sticks out of him. Wayne is looking down at it in surprise. Mel is ignoring Patel and the others, and is with her father.
Mel: "Dad!"
Wayne: "Oh dear."


Page SIX

6/1
Patel is on the ground, clutching at her wounded leg, which is bleeding heavily. Patton and Burnsie are still standing behind her. In the background (off?) Wayne and Mel have a final conversation.
Patel: "Are you two just going to stare?"
Mel (off?): "Dad, are you okay?"
Wayne (off?): "Ow. I'm fine, Melanie, I'm ... "

6/2
Patel is bandaging herself with something, maybe a piece of clothing from one of the nearby bodies.
Patton: "Yeah, well, you've all got weapons and stuff ... "
Burnsie: "I'm just waiting for the right moment."
Mel (off?): "Oh, Dad. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
Wayne (off?): "I know. I'll be ... blurrrrggg-ckk!"

6/3
Show Wayne and Mel, Mel holding her dying father in her arms.
Patel: "The right moment is now, you twit. While she's distracted."
Wayne: "You know (hack-kurf). In a way I'm ... I'm touched that you went (ca-cough) to all the trouble to ... (urk) ... kill those men for me."
Mel: "Thanks, Dad. That means a lot ..."

6/4
Patton and Burnsie have gone forward toward Mel. Mel has her back to them, but has put down her dead father and is holding the hatchet, and evil look on her face. It's meant to hve a portenious feeling to it; Patton and Burnsie think there's about to get Mel, but Mel is no longer as distracted as she was, and is ready to strike.
Mel: " ... and I'm not finished yet!"

Next: Final Whistle

Friday, February 26, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twenty-two


Racing along to the final episode ... only two more after this one.

Guy whipped up a KEA Jersey, based on my design so blame me if you don't like it. Thanks Guy. You'll have to imagine the knife sticking out of it yourselves.
UTTERLY RUCKED 22
Last Minute Substitute
by David Tulloch

Page ONE
Roll call: Sgt. Bell, Latimer (10), Pike (16) 'Little Willy' Williams (17), Patton, Burnsie and an police officer are alive in the room, for now. Housden (13) lies dead.

1/1
A large frame that occurs just after the last panel of the previous episode, with the centre dead (or dying) after having a knife thrown at him by Mel. The rest of the lads are backing up toward the door. Bell is doing his best not to panic. He has his hand(s) out in front in a defensive yet unthreatening way ... his brain ticking back to his training trying desperately to think of what to do. Mel has another weapon in her hands ... a machete.
Bell: Now ... um ... just calm down there ... er ... Miss Jensen.
Mel: "Oh ... I'm very calm."

1/2
Bell: "Just put the .. er ... sharp thing ... down. We don't want anyone to get hurt.
Mel: "Actually, I do."

1/3
While the rest of the cast stand around frozen in fear and indecision Mel attacks the luckless Bell, who tries to defend himself but fails ...
Bell: "Please, Miss Jensen, just remain ... aarrggh!"

1/4
The others panic at the sight of the now dead Bell ... the exact details of how you kill Bell are up to you. The others start for the door, but ...
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Twenty-two, Last Minute Substitution



Page TWO

This page has a foreground scene with comedic happenings in the background. The foreground scene is Mel arguing with her parents ... in the background the other people that are in the room attempt to leave via the one door, but do one of those Three Stooges classic gags of not fitting through the door when they all try to squeeze through at once.

2/1
Cheryl and Wayne have a chat with their daughter. Bell and Housden are dead in the room. Of those trying to get out only Patton and Burnsie will actually get out the door in a later panel.
Wayne: "Melanie, why did you hurt that nice policeman? What had he ever done to you?
Mel: "I bet he played rugby when he was younger."
(background noises)
"Get out of the fucking way."
"Hands off my bloody arse, mate"
"Look out."

2/2
Wayne tells Mell off, and Cheryl chimes in . In the melee at the door one of the players falls back out of the scrum into the room. he will be the next victim. Make him ... hmm ... Bruce "Piker" Pike (No.16, front row sub)
Wayne: "Now you listen here, young lady. You need to apologize."
Cheryl: "Apologize?!?! He's fucking dead, Wayne!"
(background noises)
"Ow!"
"C'mon, c'mon! Move it. Move it.
"I'm trying, my leg is stuck."

2/3
Okay, while Wayne are Cheryl are arguing with themselves, Mel has grabbed the fallen player by the leg (he is trying to cling to the carpet, unsuccessfully, by his fingernails) with one hand, while the other holds a small one-hand hatchet axe.
Wayne: "There's no need for language that like in front of our child, Cheryl.
Mel: "I'm not a child, Dad ..."
(background noises)
"If you'd just take a step back, mate. "
"Yeah, right."
"Twist around a bit."

2/4
Mel holding Pike by one leg, hacks into the screaming man with the hatchet.
Mel: "I'm all grown up. I can do whatever I like."
Wayne: "You live under my roof, and under my rules ... and we do not chop people up with axes."
(background noises)
"Oh, Christ!"
"She's got Piker!!"
"Move it, dammit!"


Page THREE

Meanwhile, Burnsie and Patton make it out of the door, leaving behind a collapsed scrum (of Latimer (10), 'Little Willy' Williams (17), and a police officer.) This page has Patton and Burnsie debating what to do in the foreground, while in the background Mel hacks into the remaining team members in the doorway, and Cheryl and Wayne chime in (unseen) from the room beyond.

3/1
The foreground in all of the panels in this page is Patton and Burnsie talking. Mel is trying to kill the guys in the doorway, but Wayne, or at least a part of him, gets in the way.
Patton: "Christ! That was close."
Burnsie: 'Yeah (puff) ... too close."
Mel" "Just get out of the way, Dad."
Wayne: "I'm not moving."

3/2
Wayne moves out of sight, while Mel hacks her way into the remaining team members in the door way.
Patton: "Should we go back and help the others?
Burnsie: "Um ..."
Wayne (off): "Ow! Jeepers, Melanie. That nearly got me."
Mel: "I told you to get out of the way."
(screams)
"Oh god, no!"
"Help us"
"Grrk-le"

3/3
Mel hacks away ...
Burnsie: "... maybe we should go find some help? Or at least a weapon or something."
Patton: "Good idea. I mean, we're not running away or anything. We're going for help."
Wayne (off): "You should show some respect."
Mel: "Respect ... ?"
(screams)
"Somebody ... help us!"
"Stop, please ... arrrgh!!"

3/4
Mel has finished off most of the team by now ...
Burnsie: "Yeah. I mean, running away would be bad. but going for help ...
Patton: "That's just common sense."
Mel: "What the hell do you know about respect?
Cheryl (off): "Don't talk to your father in that tone."
(screams)
"My arm ... oh shit, my arm!"
"Bl-urrrgh!"


Page FOUR
Back to the room. Mel is covered in gore, and is still hacking away at the bodies in the doorway area, although they are no longer offering any resistance or comments. For some reason a page of Mel hacking into bodies with a hatchet while her parents argue a point of grammar seems funny to me. All the panels can just be of Mel, the parents can be off panel, or only partially seen.

4/1
Mel: "Neither of you has been shown a a sliver of respect by any of these bastards."
Cheryl: "That's just not true, Mel. Some of them are real gentlemen.

4/2
Wayne: "Were, dear."
Cheryl: "What?"

4/3
Wayne: "They were real gentlemen. You got your tense all wrong."
Cheryl: "My tense?!? Jesus, Wayne, you are a little prick ... in so many ways."

4/4
Mel: "The two of you never stop. I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this for you."
Wayne: "For us?"

4/5
Mel: "Something had to be done, or things would have just continued like they were forever."
Wayne: "Would that have been so bad? I think I was happy."

4/6
Davies turns up, still blind, in the doorway. He is unaware of the carnage.
Mel: "But they treated you like ... they treated you worse than they treated Mum, and that's saying something."
Davies: "Guys? Is that you?"


Page FIVE
Mel stands poised with the axe, ready to kill Davies, one hand on his collar, the other holding the weapon ready, for nine similar panels, while her father tries to talk her out of killing Davies.

5/1
Davies: "I've been staggering about for a while now, unable to see a thing. I smelt smoke. I think there's a fire somewhere close."

5/2
Davies: "Or it might just be a bar-b-que, 'cause I smelt roast meat."
Wayne: "Now, Melanie ... leave the man alone."

5/3
Davies: "Leave me alone? What's going on?"
Mel: "He deserves it, Dad. They all do."
Cheryl (off): Would someone get me out of these damn cuffs?"

5/3
Davies: "Cheryl? I thought she was being arrested?"
Mel: "C'mon Dad, something this stupid doesn't deserve to live."

5/4
Wayne: "I thought I'd taught you wrong from right."
Mel: "You did, Dad ... That's why I couldn't let all the wrongs pass by. I had to do something."

5/5
Wayne: "But killing people, Melanie, that's too much for any perceived injustice."
Davies: "Mel's killing people too? Would someone tell me what's going on?"

5/6
Wayne: "Well, Mr Davies. It seems my daughter has become a psychotic rugby-themed serial killer and currently has an axe raised above your head.
From Davies (below, off): pff-pharrt"

5/7
Wayne: "Furthermore, she claims to have been doing all this to compensate for the treatment you and your fellow team members have supposedly inflicted on myself and my wife.
From Davies (below, off): pfff-plop!

5/8
Wayne: "And, er, you seem to have, um, voided your bowels, Mr Davies."

5/9
Davies has fainted in Mel's collar grip.
Wayne: "And now you've fainted."
Cheryl (off): "If he's fainted he can't hear you, Wayne."
Wayne: "Now who's being pedantic, Cheryl."


Page SIX
Patton and Burnsie in the hallway.

6/1
Patton and Burnsie have come to a t-junction in the hallway.
Patton: "Which way should we go?"
Burnsie: "Um .. you want to split up?"

6/2
Patton: "No way! I've seen enough movies to know you never get left on your own if you want to live. We stick together."

6/3
Burnsie: "What are we looking for anyway?"
Patton: "I don't know. A weapon? Some help?"

6/4
Larger panel of Patel, with a fireman's axe in her hands and a police vest and helmet on, looking like a modern knight. You can have her looking 'sexy' with it; the vest without much underneath, so she looks like a sexy avenging warrior.
Patel: "Will I do?"

Next: Injury time
Artwork by Guy Landry

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twenty-one



UTTERLY RUCKED 21
Professional Foul

by David Tulloch

Page ONE
Patel and Patton running to the hotel.

1/1
Patton: "Why would Mel want to kill us?"
Patel: "I barely know you and I want to kill you."

1/2
Patel: "Maybe she's just sick of seeing you all use her mother and father."
Patton: "What? None of us have ever fucked Wayne ... "

1/3
Patton: "... Oh, God! Are some of my team poofters? Is this some bizarre gay sex cult thing?"
Patel: "It's not always about sex, Mr Patterson. There are other ways to use someone."

1/4
Patel with her cellphone out in the foreground. In the distance ahead they can see smoke billowing from the hotel, because Mel recently lit a fire.
Patton: "What's all that smoke?"
Patel: "Damn. Just what we need. I'll call the fire brigade ... you go on."


Page TWO
Meanwhile, back in the hotel. Roll call: Sgt. Bell, Latimer (10), Housden (13), Pike (16) 'Little Willy' Williams (17), Patton, Burnsie and an police officer are alive in the room, for now.

2/1
In the crowded room with the players, the cops and Wayne and Cheryl Jensen.
Wayne: "Are you saying my wife has committed acts of adultery?"
Bell: "Please Mr Jensen, just calm down."

2/2
Finally, a chance to use one of the all time classic kiwi joke lines ...
Housden: "Jeez, Wayne, you'd have to be blind not to notice what Cheryl's been up to. The woman's insatiable."
Wayne: "Just what are you saying?"

2/3
Cheryl: "He's saying I've been screwing the whole team for years ... "

2/4
Cheryl gets slapped by Wayne.
Cheryl: "... and I've loved every single fu ... "
(slap!)
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Twenty-one, Professional Foul



Page THREE

3/1
Bell: "Please Mr Jensen, refrain from hitting the prisoner, or I'll be forced to arrest you as well."
Wayne: "How could you Cheryl?"

3/2
Mel in the doorway of the room.
Wayne: "How could you sleep with other men?"
Latimer: "Um ... hi, Mel."

3/3
Wayne: "Oh? Hello Melanie."
Male: "Hello, Dad."

3/4
Mel looks at her mother in handcuffs.
Mel: "Hello, Mum."

3/5
Burnsie: "Um ... sorry about your parents, Mel."
Mel: "Not as sorry as I am."

3/6
Bell: "Okay ... Time to make this official. I'm taking Mrs Jensen to the local station to be processed."
Cheryl: "But I didn't do anything."


Page FOUR

4/1
Housden: "Hey, we want a piece of her first."
Latimer: "C'mon, let's us rough her up a bit, Sarge. She killed our mates."

4/2
In the background we see Mel has the bag of weapons from episode 19, and is looking inside.
Bell: "You can't seriously think I'd let you molest a prisoner."
Latimer: "I said rough her up ... we've been molesting her for years."
(silent laughs from others in room.)

4/3
In foreground Wayne is bitch slapping Latimer, who pushed him away. Mel is strapping on a belt with large knife in the background.
Wayne: "Why you ... you cad!"
Latimer: "Sod off, Wayne. Christ, you hit like a girl."

4/4
Mel is putting on some spiked gloves in the background.
Bell: "Gentlemen, please calm down. I'm escorting the prisoner out of here."
Housden: "Cheryl always wanted to be an escort."

4/5
Mel is holding a throwing dagger, judging its weight. The team members are looking over at the door where Patton has just arrived.
Housden: "Hey, it's the General."
Latimer: "Welcome back, Patton. How was the date?"


Page FIVE

5/1
Large panel of Mel looking the business, all decked out with weapons and holding a throwing dagger menacingly. The others in the rooms all following Patton's pointed arm as he tries to make them aware of the real killer.
Patton: "Guys ...(puff) ... guys ... Mel ... "

5/2
Wayne: "Melanie. What are you doing with all of those sharp things? They belong to your mother.
Patton: "(puff) No ... Mel ... (cough, hack) ... Mel's the ... killer.

5/3
Most of the room does not believe him ... at first.
Bell: "Mel?"
Wayne: "Melanie?"


Page SIX

6/1
Cheryl: "But she's just a bookworm."
Mel: "Shut up, Mum. Better a boring bookworm than a harping harlot."

6/2
Mel doing that cocking her head to one side in thought thing she did a while back, but still with the throwing dagger ready.
Mel: "Now ... where was I?"

6/3
Mel throws the dagger which hits Housden (No.13, the centre) in the chest to the horror of those present in the room.
Housden: (urk)

6/4
Housden falls over so the number 13 on his jersey is visible. The others look terrified.
Mel: "Oh look! Got you right in the Centre."

Next: Last Minute Substitute
Logo by Guy "We beat the Russians" Landry

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twenty


In a burst of writing yesterday I finished up the 24th, and final, episode. The ending I had written weeks ago ended up in the trash, and a much more satisfying end spewed out of me onto the virtual page.

Now I have to start something else ... but what?
UTTERLY RUCKED 20
Locked
by David Tulloch

Page ONE

Back in the bar. Mel, the two locks (No.4 & 5), and the blinded blindside flanker engage in a little 'foreplay' before the action. Have Mel in the background at first.

1/1
Scotty (No.5), one of the locks, is tending to the wounded flanker, Davies (No.6), who still can't see after having industrial strength cleaning product thrown in his eyes.
Scotty: "She got you good, mate."
Davies: "Yeah. I can't see a thing."

1/2
Ginga, the other lock (No.4) has a bottle of clear liquid (but not water) he got from the bar.
Ginga: "Hang on mate, I'll wash your eyes out."

1/3
Davies puts his arms up over his eyes defensively.
Davies: "Arrgh ... fuck! What was that?"
Ginga: Water ... "

1/4
Ginga looking closely at the bottle, which informs us that it is a vodka-tonic mix.
... oh. Sorry mate. Vodka. My bad.

1/5
Ginga drinks the rest of the bottle.
Ginga: "Tastes good though."
Davies: "Ya bloody illiterate fucker, it's worse now."

1/6
Mel offering to go help.
Mel: "I'll get some water."
Scotty: "Thanks, Mel."


Page TWO

2/1
Mel going behind the bar, while in the background or off the blokes continue talking.
Ginga: "Can't get over Cheryl being the killer."
Scotty: "I know ... after everything we've done for her."

2/2
Okay, so what happens is that Mel finds something to use as a weapon; a chain with a padlock. It is currently being used to lock the kegs of beer that are behind the bar in place.
Ginga: "Well ... to her, really."

2/3
Mel takes a hairclip from her hair
Davies: "You think that was the problem?"
Ginga: "What? You mean all the sex?"

2/4
Mel begins to pick the padlock.
Scotty: "Sssh. That's her kid, mate. Choose your words carefully."
Ginga: "Oh ..."

2/5
Mel unlocks the padlock.
Ginga: "... you mean all, er, the rumpy pumpy?"
Scotty: "You're a git sometimes, Ginga."

2/6
Back to Scotty, Ginga and Davies, with Mel in the background, the chain a bit hidden.
Scotty: "You find some water, Mel?"
Mel: "No ... "


Page THREE

3/1
Mel using the padlock and chain as a flailing weapon, the padlock on the end hitting Scotty flush in the face. She may even be getting both of the locks with her swing if you want.
Mel: "... but I did find this!"
(WHACK!)
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Twenty, Locked



Page FOUR
One of the locks, Scotty, regains consciousness to find himself and Ginga tied up in the chains and padlock that was used in the previous page.

4/1
Black panel.
(unknown): "Wha ... ?"

4/2
Focus clearly, point-of-view (POV) of Scotty. he can see a slightly fuzzy Mel standing above him pouring something.
Scotty: '"What's going on?"

4/3
Mel is pouring straight spirits onto Scotty, splashing them everywhere.
Scotty: "Mel?

4/4
Scotty: "Oh my god. Mel? You're the killer?"
Mel: "You're quite smart for a rugby player, aren't you Scotty."


Page FIVE
Scotty and Ginga are chained and padlocked together. Davies is sitting there unconscious with blood on his forehead. (Davies will actually get away from this, but ... well, you'll see.)

5/1
Scotty trying to get out of the chains
Scotty: " Jesus, Mel. Let me out, love."
Mel: "Love?"

5/2
The one word has set Mel off into a hate-filled rant. She splashes the vodka around haphazardly.
Mel: "What do you and your 'mates' know about love?"

5/3
Focus in on crazy Mel face.
Mel: "You screw my mother like she's some communal sex doll ... "

5/4
Mel " ... you abuse my father when all he's doing is making the game you profess to love possible ... "

5/5
She's really lost it ... close in on her spit-flecked mouth.
Mel: "... Rugby; the religion that motivates you all. Yet you barely understand the rules and think crashing the centre is the most advanced of tactics."

5/6
Mel has a zippo lighter out, flicking it so the flame is good and steady.
Mel: "You all make me sick."
Scotty: "Jeez, Mel. Isn't this going a bit far?"


Page SIX

6/1
Mel holding the lighter, ready to kill.
Scotty: "You really don't want to kill anyone, do you?"
Mel: "Oh, any idiot can kill a person, Scotty. What I'm doing is art."

6/2
Ginga groans as he almost regains consciousness. Scotty struggles against the locked chains.
Mel: "Can you guess the theme of this piece?"
Scotty: "Theme? Um ... I guess we're padlocked 'cause we're locks."
(groan)

6/3
Scotty: "But setting us on fire? What's that got to do with rugby?"
Mel: "Ah, you've caught me out, Scotty. The fire isn't for any reason in particular ... "
(groan)

6/4
Large frame. Dropping the lighter so it starts to burn.
Mel: " ... I just want to see you burn."
Scotty: "Please, Mel. No. Noooo!"

Next: Professional Foul
Logo by Guy Landry

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part nineteen


Now far to go now. I'm almost to the end of the writing. This has been a fun personal project for me. No matter what happens to this story, which at the moment would be steaming piles of nothing, I can say I enjoyed writing it.
UTTERLY RUCKED 19
Tackle Bag
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Patel on her cellphone at the cafe with Patton looking on.
Patel: "C'mon, answer it, Bell."

1/2
Patel: "Bell, listen, we know who the killer is."
(from phone): "It's okay, so do we."

1/3
Switch to the bar. A mob made up of most of the remaining team and Burnsie (but not the two locks, nor the blinded flanker who remain behind).
(from phone): "It's the Jensen girl."
Bell: "Yes, I'm on it. I'm on it."
Bruce "Piker" Pike (No.16): "We're coming for you, bitch."
Mike 'Brick" Housden (No.13): "Can't believe it."
Latimer (No.10): "She's gonna pay."

1/4
Bell: "I've got to go ... if I don't keep up they'll lynch her.

1/5
One of the team, Jason "Little Willy" Williams (No.17), knocks the cellphone from Bell's hands as he pushes past.
Bell: "Hey! Watch it."


Page TWO

Titles and full page panel.
The mobs momentum pulls Bell along, he yells back out to the dropped phone.
Bell: "It's Cheryl Jensen."
(from dropped phone): "It's Melanie Jensen."
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Nineteen, Tackle Bag


Page THREE


3/1
Patel closing her cellphone.
Patel: "Cheryl?"

3/2
Patel: "Bell said it's Cheryl?
Patel: "Could it be both of them? A mother - daughter thing?"

3/3
Patel: "Maybe? But I doubt it."

3/4
Patel: "C'mon ... we'd better get back."

3/5
The two of them running out of the cafe.


Page FOUR

4/1
Meanwhile the mob, with Bell and two officers in tow, has arrived at Cheryl (and Wayne and Mel's) room.
(Thud thud!)
Latimer: "Open up. Now!"
Housden: We're gonna tear you a new one.

4/2
Bell: "Calm down, everyone. This is an arrest not an execution.
Latimer: "Yeah ... right."

4/3
Wayne opens the door and is pushed aside.
Wayne: "What is all this racket ... ?"
Latimer: "Out the way, Wayne."
Bell: "Please step aside, Mr Jensen."

4/4
Wayne: "What is going on?"

4/5
Bell: "We have reason to believe that your wife may be involved in the recent murders."
Pike: "Cheryl's the fucking killer!"

4/6
Latimer: "Where is she?"
Wayne: "Um ... she's, she's in the shower."


Page FIVE
5/1
Latimer and Housden open the door to the steamy bathroom.
Wayne: "You can't go in there."
Latimer: "Just try and stop us."

5/2
Wayne tries to reason with them, but they have disappeared into the steamy room. Bell puts his hand on Wayne's shoulder.
Wayne: "But she's all naked. And wet."
Burnsie: "I think that's how they're used to seeing her."

5/3
Wayne getting his first glimpse of reality. Bell ignoring him.
Wayne: "What do you mean?"

5/4
Latimer and Housden re-emerge from the steam carrying the naked Cheryl. You can arrange arms, hands and angles so nothing is actually seen.
Latimer: "Nice tackle, mate."
Housden: "Cheers."
Cheryl: "What the fuck are you boys doing?"

5/5
Housden "Shut up, killer bitch."
Cheryl: "What?"


Page SIX
6/1
Latimer: "We know it's you."
Housden: "Yeah. Davies saw you."

6/2
Pike coming from adjoining room carrying a backpack or bag ...
Pike: "Look what I found."

6/3
Close up of the bag filled with weapons. Knives, rope, spikes, files, hacksaw, tools, spiked gloves, a machete, a hatchet, a belt with knife, etc.
Housden (off): "Jesus. That's some serious stuff."
Latimer (off): "That proves it."

6/4
Bell moves in for the arrest
Bell: "Cheryl Jensen, I'm placing you under arrest."
Cheryl: "It's not mine. I'm innocent.

6/5
Cheryl being handcuffed by Bell. Make sure the handcuffs are shown, and the speech bubble is a double bubble.
Bell: "If there's one thing I can safely say about you Mrs Jensen ...
... it's that you haven't been innocent for a long time."

Next: Locked
Logo by Guy "Don't give me a nickname, you bastard" Landry

Monday, February 22, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part eighteen



Finished episode 21 yesterday ... only three more to write (and I've already written the final pages a while back). There's a small section of my brain that keeps asking 'What next?', but I'm trying to ignore it until I finish this project.
UTTERLY RUCKED 18
Blindsided
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Reprise the last frame of the previous episode. Mel, the daughter of the cuckolded ref, has one gloved hand on Williams' mouth, and with the other holds a gloved finger up to her lips in the universal symbol to be quiet. In the frame behind the killer and her victim Davies is still clutching at his blinded eyes.
Mel: "Sssh."
Davies: "What? Who is it? What's going on?"

1/2
Davies flailing around with his arms in desperation. Mel stepping back from the now dead Williams to be out of his reach.
Davies: "Who did you see, Gerry? Who's the killer?"

1/3
Large Title frame. Focus in on Davies. Make sure the number of his jersey (No. 6) is visible, since that way some people might just get that he is the blindside flanker.
Davies: "Gerry? C'mon, mate. I can't see a fucking thing."
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Eighteen, Blindsided



Page TWO
In this page Mel stands there in the background watching Davies. At first it looks like she might kill him ... but she changes her mind.

2/1
Davies' hand clutches at the pool cue that protrudes through Williams. Mel looking like she might be getting ready to strangle him.
Davies: "The pool cue? I'm not going to be much use with that."

2/2
Davies straining with the pool cue, but it is imbedded in WIlliams. Mel lookig at him with her head cocked slightly, a smirk on her face, her hands lowered.
Davies: "Well, let go of it, mate"

2/3
Davies wrenches it free, but it comes with a large chunk of Williams attached for the sake of horror humour. Mel taking off her gloves.
Davies: "That's better."

2/4
A closer up view of the gore. Davies standing there with the pool cue, holding it like a weapon, but it has something gross attached to the end that he can't see. The 'humour' is in the fact that he doesn't realize he's holding a pool cue dripping with blood and bits. Any excuse for a frame with visual impact. Mel taking off her hat and putting her gloves inside them.
Davies: "Right. I'm ready for anything."


Page THREE
At the cafe, Patel and Patton have dessert and a chat. Two pages of small panels.

3/1
Patton eating the last bit of some dessert that was served in a sundae glass. He's a messy eater. This can be a visual joke in comparison with the gore from the previous page. Patton's food looks a bit like William's insides.

3/2
Patton: "Mmm, mmm. That was good."

3/3
Patton: "You sure you don't want one? I could handle another."
Patel: "The cherry on the top of yours was more than enough."
(beepba beepba beepba)

3/4
Patel looks at her cellphone.

3/5
She screws up her face while reading a text.
Patton (off): "Bad news?"

3/6
Patel: "Yes. They found your ex-wife."
Patton: "Isn't that good news?"

3/7
Patel: "Not really. They found her in Australia. She's not the killer."

3/8
Patton: "I knew she didn't really want me dead. She still loves me, deep down."

3/9
Patton: "So who is it? My money's still on Paddy."
Patel: "No. It isn't him. I didn't want to tell you, but ... "


Page THREE

4/1
Patel: "... we found his remains earlier today."
Patton; "Jesus."

4/2
Patton: "Then it's got to be Wayne. He is a complete prick."
Patel: "I told you, he's been cleared. 100%."

4/3
Patton: "What about Cheryl? Some of the guys thought it might be her."

4/4
Patel: "No. I interviewed her extensively. She actually loves your team. Thinks of herself as a mother figure ..."

4/5
Patton: "Christ. I wouldn't do what we do to Cheryl to me mum."

4/6
Patel: "... and she knows nothing about rugby. She doesn't have the knowledge to stage murders on a theme."

4/7
Patton: "She is a bit thick, is Cheryl. Not like her kid. That one's a smart cookie. Always got her head in a book, does Mel."

4/8
Patton: "The only time I've seen her do anything athletic was when she was lineman for a couple of games."
Patel: "She refereed for you?"

4/9
Even though Patton is talking the frame should show Patel having a moment of realization as to the killer's identity.
Patton: "Lineman only. Just to fill in when the regular bloke was sick. She was good too. Knows a lot about rugby for a bookworm."


Page FIVE
Back to the hallway. Mel pretends to have just arrived on the scene.

5/1
Davies: "Gerry? Mate? Anybody?"

5/2
Mel: "I'm here Mister Davies, I'm .... Oh, no!"
Daviesz; "What? Who is it?"

5/3
Mel: "It's me, Mel. Oh dear god ..."

5/4
Mel sticks her fingers down her throat
(gak!)

5/5
Mel throws up.
(Bler-eergh!)

5/6
Davies: "What's going on?"
Mel: "Sorry, Mister Davies. I threw up. It's just there's a dead man on the ground. I think it's Mister Williams."


Page SIX

6/1
Davies: "Gerry? Oh shit. The killer got Gerry. Shit, shit, shit, shit."

6/2
Davies: "Did you see anyone else here?"
Mel: "I saw my mum running down the hall."

6/3
Davies: "Cheryl? Oh my god .... It's Cheryl. Your Mum's the killer?"
Mel: "Mum? No. It couldn't be."

6/4
Davies: "There's no doubt. Sorry, Mel."

6/5
Mel letting Davies put his hand on her shoulder so she can guide him.
Davies: "Help me get back to the bar, would you."
Mel: Sure, Mister Davies.

6/6
Closer in so we focus on the smiling Mel. It is an evil little smile.
Davies: "We have to tell the others who the killer is."

Next: Tackle Bag
Logo by Guy "In mourning 'cause Canada lost a hockey game to the US" Landry

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part seventeen


Yesterday was the first day in about 20 that I didn't write at least six pages of script. It reminded me of that time in a new relationship when you have the first night without sex.

Is it just a blip? Will we go back to the same pace starting tomorrow? Or have things cooled down for good? Will the pace now be a more 'realistic' one. Is this the start of a dry spell. Are the wheels coming off? Is it the end? Oh no?

But this morning I sat down and started writing again. It was just a busy day yesterday. The script and I are still 'into' each other.

UTTERLY RUCKED 17
Spear Tackle
by David Tulloch

Page ONE

1/1
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Seventeen, Spear Tackle

Wide panel showing the killer in the middle distance (hard to make out clearly due to the angle and lighting) lying in the hallway where she fell after being ankle tapped in the previous episode. In the foreground Williams is lying on the ground having just ankle tapped the killer. Davies is holding the pool cue in a menacing manner and is about to do something rash. As in the previous episode, have a vacuum cleaner (that has been left by the cleaning staff) in the hallway near the fallen killer.
Davies: " We've got you now!"

1/2
Davies charges, screaming, holding the pool cue like a sword or similar weapon.
(Yarrrrrrrrr!!!)

1/3
Davies swings the pool cue down, but it is parried by the killer (who face is still hidden by her cap, arms and the angle) who uses the vacuum cleaner nozzle pipe thing.
(Whac-clang!)


Page TWO

2/1
Davies pulls the pool cue back for another swing ...

2/2
But hits Williams with it on the backswing, right in the nose.
Williams: Hey, watch ... (whack!!)"

2/3
The killer runs off.
Davies: 'Sorry, mate."

2/4
Davies runs off after the fleeing killer, pool cue in hand. Williams is holding his nose, which is bleeding.
Williams: " Yub bloke my ducken' dose!"


Page THREE

Switch back to the cafe meal. Patel and Patterson finishing their mains.

3/1
Patton: "(urp). That was good."
Patel: "Not bad."

3/2
Patton: "No sign of my psycho ex then?"
Patel: "No. But she may be waiting until you are walking back to the hotel."
Cellphone ring: (blu-da-beep beep beep)

3/3
Patel on the phone ... this can be broken up into separate panels or done as a collage, or whatever you like.
"Patel here."
"What?"
"Well, you can sort it out."
"Just don't let them kill anyone they shouldn't."
"Yes. I'll be back in a while."
"No I'm not going to hurry back."
"Use your initiative."


Page FOUR

4/1
Patton: "The sergeant?"
Patel: "Yes. It seems a few of your team have decided to go all vigilante. They're out looking to beat a confession out of Wayne."

4/2
Patton: "Well, if anyone deserves a beating it's him."
Patel: "Apart from the killer you mean."

4/3
Patton: "You sure it's not him. He is a fucking ref."
Patel: "So?"

4/4
Patton: "Referee's are a rugby player's natural enemy."
Patel: "Oh? I hadn't thought of that."

4/5
Patton: "So it could be him?"
Patel: "Wayne? No. We ruled him out early on. He was being observed by an officer when two of the killings took place."

4/6
Patton: "Still, maybe the lads should still give him a thump just to be sure."
Patel: "I'm sure Sergeant Bell has things under control."


Page FIVE
Back to the violence.

5/1
Davies chasing the fleeing, and mostly out of shot, killer. The killer has opened a door up ahead.

5/2
Davies reaches the now closed door. It has a sign saying STAFF ONLY. CLEANING SUPPLIES.
Davies: "Dead end, ya wanker. I've got ya!"

5/3
Davies wrenches open the door with one hand, the pool cue raised with the other, ready to strike.

5/4
The killer throws something (industrial strength cleaning product) into Davies eyes. He is the blindside flanker after all.
Davies: "Ahhh ... fucking hell!

5/5
Davis clucthes at his eyes, dropping the pool cue.
Davies: "Jesus, that stings!"


Page SIX

6/1
Down the hall we see Williams running to the scene. The open door obscures the killer. Davies is still clutching at his eyes.
Davies: "Mate? Help me mate. I can't see."

6/2
Williams arrives and gets the first good look at the killer. We don't though. Not just yet ...
Williams: "You? But why would you kill anyone?

6/3
The killer shoves the pool cue into Willaims' guts, so it comes out the other side. (Spear tackle).
Williams: (erk) "But ... you're just ... (erk) "

6/4
Large panel to finish. The killer is revealed. We see the killer's face. Finally. It is, of course, Mel. The daughter of the cuckolded ref. She has one hand on Williams' mouth, and with the other holds a gloved finger up to her lips in the universal symbol to be quiet. In the frame behind the killer and her victim Davies is still clutching at his blinded eyes.
Mel: "Sssh."
Davies: "What? Who is it? What's going on?"

Next: Blindsided
Logo by Guy Landry

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part sixteen


Weekends can be so unproductive. Damn friends and family wanting to be social. I don't want a social life, I'm a writer.

Once again the weather's too good not to BBQ, and we've been invited out to the beach for lunch. I guess I'm not getting much writing done today. Oh woe is me ...
UTTERLY RUCKED 16
Ankle Tap
by David Tulloch

Page ONE

We start with the cafe 'date' then go back to the garroting we set up in the previous episode. Patel and Patton are in a small cafe/restaurant. It's a small town diner with some pretensions at doing 'cuisine'. There are those plastic tomatoes filled with tomato sauce on the tables, with salt and pepper as well. Paper napkins folded in half. A check table cloth made from some plastic material. Uncomfortable plastic seats. Chips come with every meal, and by salad they mean a horrible coleslaw with grated carrot and mayonnaise.

1/1
They are ordering. A waitress is taking their orders on a little pad.
Patton: "I'll have the steak, well done. And some chips."
Waitress: "It already comes with chips, and a salad."

1/2
Patton: "Yeah, but I'd like some extra chips. love. You can leave the salad off if you need room."
Patel: "I'll have the pasta."

1/3
They make small talk while waiting.
Paton: "So ... how long have you been a cop?"
Patel: "Nine years."

1/4
Patton: "Sheesh. Ever think about packing it in and having a few kids?"
Patel: "No, not really. It's a good job."

1/5
You could have this panel showing Patton trying to play footsie with the inspector, which fits in with the title.
Patton: "'Cause if it's because your single and need a donor, I have some strong swimmers in me."
Patel: "You never give up, do you?"
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part sixteen, Ankle Tap



Page TWO

2/1
The food has arrived, and they are eating their meals.
Patton: "You said it would be just the two of us?"
Patel: "Yes. I did."

2/2
Patton uses his knife to point at another table.
Patton: "Well, that bloke over there is one of your cops."

2/3
Patton points at another table.
Patton: " ... and so is that one."
Patel: "It's just the two of us at this table, though."

2/4
Patton talks with his mouth full of food.
Patton: "This isn't a date, is it?"
Patel: "No. It's a trap."

2/5
Paton actually looks a bit worried, as if Patel might really be the killer.
Patton: "Oh!?"
Patel: "Yes. You're the bait."

2/6
Patton: "Ah. That's not so bad I guess. It's a good steak."

2/7
Patton: "How's your food?"
Patel: "It's fine, Mr Patterson, but please stop trying to play footsie with me. I bruise easily."

2/8
Patton: "So you really think the killer is Jacinta, my ex?"
Patel: "If I'd ever been married to you I'd want to kill you."

2/9
Panel showing the steak on the plate, to emphasize the 'juicy' part of the conversation.
Patel (off): "But with you as a nice juicy target in here at least the others should be safe."


Page THREE
Okay, on this page the number 8 gets garroted while his mates walk on, oblivious, having a conversation.

3/1
Reprise the panel from end of the last episode, but smaller.
Williams: "I've always hated Wayne. Ref's can be such pricks."
Davies: "Yeah. The game would be better off without them."

3/2
We see the number 8 from the front, the others are off panel ahead of him. The killer is behind him, obscured by him and her cap. The killer (still not completely seen, as the angles of the drawing always put something or someone in the way) behind the number 8, the wire going around his neck.
Williams: (ahead off) "How would that work, then? Wouldn't it just become a big fight?
Davies: (ahead off) "It'd be like Ice Hockey."

3/3
Looking at the number 8s face and neck as he starts to be strangled ... the garrote does a quick job, as the wire cuts into neck. There will be blood ...
Williams: "They have refs in Ice Hockey."
Davies: Are you sure?

3/4
The two guys up ahead, one of them turning his head (but he hasn't see anything yet) to ask the number 8 a question.
Williams: "Um, ... I think so. Is this the way to Wayne and Cheryl's room?"
Davies: "Not sure. Hey, Tony, are we going ... "


Page FOUR
A nice full page panel of the now very messy scene. The number 8 has slumped down, the life literally pouring out of him. The killer is mostly hidden behind the dying man. There is a lot of blood.
Davies: "... the right wa ... ? Holy Fucking SHIT!!!"
Williams: "It's him. It's the killer!!"


Page FIVE

5/1
Willaims: "Don't just stand there."
Davies: "Wha? Oh, right."

5/2
Davies uses the pool cue to whack the killer, but only gets the dying Tony.
(Whack!)

5/3
Davies: "Shit!"
Williams: "You missed?!?"

5/4
The killer has turned and is running away, so once again we still can't quite see who it is.
Williams: "You hit Tony."
Davies: "He's not complaining. C'mon, the bastard's getting away."



Page SIX
6/1
Williams and Davies give chase down the hallway after the fleeing figure ...

6/2
Davies slips on the blood and falls over, while Williams gets close to the killer.
Davies: "Christ!"

6/3
Williams lunges in a stretch tackle just clipping the ankle (an ankle tap, in the parlance of rugby) of the killer ...

6/4
... and the killer stumbles and falls in the dark hallway in the middle distance. Williams on the ground in the foreground, looking ahead. Have a vacuum cleaner in the hall, near where the killer falls, as it will be used next episode.
Williams: "Got ya!"


Next: Spear Tackle
Logo by Guy Landry

Friday, February 19, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part fifteen



Only a few more episodes for me to write, as I made it onto number twenty yesterday. I wonder what I'm going to do next? Revert to something old, or start something new? Whatever it is it will involve fewer rugby players.
UTTERLY RUCKED 15
Number 8 Wire
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Double frame in which Inspector Patel and Sergeant Bell are in the foreground, but split over the two panels, and three lots of dialogue so some is in the middle crossing the gutter. In the first panel there's a Police photographer taking crime scene photos in the background ...
Patel: "So who was this one?"
Bell: "Trevor Crowly. Known as Daggy to his mates."

Gutter
Patel: "Daggy?"
Bell: "A Fred Dagg reference I think. She'll be right, Trev."

1/2
... and in the second the background is a toilet stall with a dead body (see below). We don't have to see too much in this panel, as it is shown graphically in the next one ...
Patel: "So what's the pun death this time?"
Bell: "Daggy was the utility backline sub ..."

1/3
Daggy, from the previous episode, face down in the toilet bowl. The number 18 visible on his jersey.
Patel: "A sub ... so he was drowned in water. Weak."
Bell: "Maybe the killer's low on puns?"
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Fifteen, Number 8 Wire


Page TWO

2/1
Patel: "How did they get in? I thought we had it sealed tight."
Ball: "Toilet window. The tech boys say there's a tree blocking the cameras."

2/2
Patel: "This is making me look bad, Bell. I thought we had them secure."
Bell: "Well, there is some good news ..."

2/3
Bell: "There's only about half the team left now ... so the killer can't get too many more of them."
Patel: "You're a great help, Bell."

2/4
Patel: "Have we located Patterson's ex-wife yet?"
Bell: "Nope. She's off the radar. Went to Aussie a few years ago, then somewhere in Asia. There are rumours she got married to some Indian guru."

2/5
Patel: "I'm sure it's her. Guess I'd better go and tell Patterson the bad news."
Bell: "You could always make his day and do on that date with him."

2/6
Patel: "You know, Bell. I might just be desperate enough for that."


Page THREE
The inspector chats with Patton.

3/1
Patton: "Poor Daggy."
Patel: "Yes. I'm sorry for the loss to the team. Now, I have something to ask of you Mr Patterson?"

3/2
Patton: "Oh?"
Patel: "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

3/3
Patton: "Where? Here?"
Patel: "No, there's a small restaurant a few blocks away.

3/4
Paton: "Just you and me."
Patel: "Yes."

3/5
Patton: "A date?"
Patel: "If you want to call it that."

3/6
Patton: "Should I shave first?"
Patel: "Yes ... "

3/7
Patel: "In fact, I think you should shower AND shave."

3/8
Patel: "I'll have an officer escort you to a secure bathroom."

3/9
Patton winking.
Patton: "Just as long as he doesn't try to wash me dick."


Page FOUR

4/1
Davies (No. 6, the Felsh Wanker): "Where'd the boss go?"
Burnsie: "He's on a date"

4/2
The number 8, Tony "Madman" Mahuri, chimes in.
Mahuri: "What? A fucking date?"
Burnsie: "With the police inspector. So I doubt it's a fucking date."

4/3
The police Sergeant joins the conversation.
Davies: "So whose in charge of us?"
Sgt Bell: "I am. Two officers and myself will be watching over you."

4/4
Davies: "Fat lot of good you've been so far."

4/5
Davies: "So what do we do? Just sit here and wait to get murdered?"
Burnsie: "No. I was planning to sit here drinking heavily while waiting to get murdered."

4/6
Mahuri: "Yeah. We'll your not even part of the team, are you. Maybe you're the killer?"
Burnsie: "C'mon. I was sitting right here drinking when Daggy got it. We all were. It's not one of us."


Page FIVE
5/1
Mahuri: "Who is it then?"

5/2
Burnsie: "Maybe it's Wayne.
Or Cheryl?
Or Patton's ex?"

5/3
Burnsie: "Ah, crap. I don't know."

5/4
Davies: "Well, I know I'm not staying put in here waiting to die."
Mahuri: "Me either."

5/5
Davies picks up a pool cue.
Davies: "If it is Wayne I'm going to go beat it out of the bugger."

5/6
Mahuri, Davies, and the winger Gerry "Gonzalez" Williams (No.11) begin to leave the bar. Bell tries to stop them
Bell: "Gentlemen. Please. Stay calm."


Page SIX

6/1
The three men push their way past Bell knocking him over.
Bell: "We don't want ... Hey!!"

6/2
Bell sitting on his arse as the three vigilantes head out of the bar into the dark hall. Burnsie standing nearby, offers a packet of nuts to the Sergeant.
Bell: " ... that's assaulting an officer that is."
Burnsie: "Never mind, mate. Have a peanut."

6/3
The next two frames are typical horror killer's point of view material The three men walking toward the unseen killer's POV. Pool cue in Scotty's hand. Mahuri lagging behind a little. The killer is hiding in a dark doorway or something.
Davies: "Now, what room were they in?"
Williams: "Twenty-seven, I think."

6/4
The three men having walked past the POV of the killer, so they are walking away down the hotel hallway. We can see the killer's gloved hands out in front of them holding some wire taut between to use a garrote. It should be obvious that the one lagging behind, Mahuri, wearing the number 8 jersey is about to get garroted.
Davies: "I've wanted to give that ref prick a beating since he disallowed that try I scored last year. Improper use of the knees ... no-one calls that!"
Mahuri: "Yeah. He's gonna get what's coming to him."

Next: Ankle tap
Logo by Guy Landry

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part fourteen



Almost finished episode nineteen yesterday, and made sure I had rough page breakdowns for all the remaining parts. It's racing to a bloody climax ...

UTTERLY RUCKED 14
Penalty Kick

by David Tulloch

Page ONE
The team are looking a bit shaggy, hairy and worse for wear after spending a night in the pub. Have sleeping bags visible in the background to show this.

1/1
Patton: "Morning, mate."
Burnsie: "Morning. What's for breakfast?"

1/2
Patton: "Cold pizza and colder beer."
Burnsie: "Sounds pretty good."

1/3
Patton: "Sleep well?"
Burnsie: "Not really. No."

1/4
Patton: "Oh? The floor a bit hard for ya?"
Burnsie: "I can sleep anywhere, mate. It's just ... "

1/5
Burnsie: "Something occurred to me last night. If one of us was the killer then locking us all in the bar would have been just ideal. He'd have killed us all in our sleep."

1/6
Patton: "Oh Christ! I shouldn't thought of that."
Burnise: "I tried to keep myself awake ... just in case. But I drifted off about three. Had one doozy of a dream."


Page TWO

2/1
Patton looking relived.
Patton: "So that means the killer isn't one of us."

2/2
Burnsie: "Well ... either than or even homicidal maniacs need their beauty sleep."
Patton: "I guess. But I reckon it makes it more likely it's someone else."

2/3
Burnsie: "Like Paddy. Or your ex-wife?"
Patton: "Yeah. Or someone else. I still think it could be Wayne the ref."

2/4
Burnsie: "My money's on Cheryl. You blokes have really screwed her over."
Patton: "Cheryl? I just don't see that. She's a slut, not a psycho. She has a heart of gold."

2/5
Burnsie: "You still suspect the Inspector?"
Patton: "Nah. She's okay. I reckon I might make my move on her later."

2/6
Burnsie: "Jeez, mate. You haven't got a snowball's."


Page THREE

3/1
Patel: "You have got to be joking?"

3/2
Patton: "I'm serious, darling. You and me should date when this is over. All this death and stuff has made me appreciate how important life is ...."

3/3
Patton: " ... How important love is."

3/4
Patel: "Mr Patterson ... in my role as lead on this case I have developed extensive profiles on all of your team. The file on you is, quite appropriately, rather thick."

3/5
Patel: "The psychological section is particularly enlightening, and sheds a great deal of light into your motivations and desires ... "

3/6
Patel: "... and you wouldn't know what love was if it was stuffed up your arsehole with a cucumber."


Page FOUR
Patton and Burnsie sitting at the bar. There is also another teammate right there next to them. Trevor "Daggy" Crowly (number 18), one of the substitutes.

4/1
Burnsie: "Shot down in flames, mate?"
Patton: "Nah. I'm in there I reckon. She's warming to my charms."

4/2
Burnsie: "Didn't look that that to me. She looked pissed."
Patton: "Yeah, well, I ignite passion in her. That's gotta be a good start."

4/3
Patton: "And nothing bad happened last night. Everyone's safe. We should celebrate."
Burnsie: "I'll drink to that."

4/4
Patton: "Let's have something a bit special. Whiskey?"
Burnsie: "Yeah. Why not."

4/5
Patton asking the teammate close to them at the bar, Daggy, who is just getting up from his seat.
Patton: "Hey, Daggy. You want a whiskey?"
Daggy: "Sure, Captain. Just have to make room first."

4/6
Daggy heads to the toilet ... and his doom! Show him opening the men's toilet door.


Page FIVE
The killer lies in wait in the men's toilet. The toilet has those louvered glass windows that (used to be) so common. I know from experience how easy it is to remove the louvered panes and crawl through to get into a pub. But don't worry ... I was a good boy; I lived in the pub and we'd locked ourselves out. Anyway, that's how the killer has gained access to the toilets. You can show the panes on the floor if you like. Note that the killer is wearing odd shoes, as described in a panel below.

5/1
Point of view (POC) of the killer. Daggy unzipping on his way to the urinal.

5/2
Daggy realizing he's not alone and readjusting his trousers.
Daggy: "Oh! What are you doing in here?"

5/3
Daggy looking concerned.
Daggy: "You okay, love?

5/4
POV of Daggy looking down at the killer's footwear.
Daggy: "Are those rugby boots you're wearing?"

5/5
POV of the killer looking down at their own shoes, which are rugby boots, but modified so the studs are on the upper of the shoe.
Daggy: "The studs are on the wrong side. Why would you do that to them?"


Page SIX

6/1
Large frame of the killer kicking Daggy in the groin with the stud-pointing uppers going right in the bollocks. Have the killer's body obscured by a toilet stall door or something, so the identity is still not certain (I'm sure you've all guessed by now).

6/2
Daggy down on the ground, clutching his groin in extreme agony ... so much so barely a groan escapes him.
Killer (off): "That's why."
Daggy: "urrrkle"

NEXT: Number 8 Wire
Logo by Guy Landry

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part thirteen



I'm currently writing episode eighteen, so I have a good cushion built up. Just as well ... between the children and the cats last night there wasn't much sleep. I'm feeling less than creative today.
UTTERLY RUCKED 13
Tight Maul
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Burnsie and Patton at the bar.
Burnsie: "This is fucking ridiculous, mate."
Patton: "I know ... how many is that now? I've lost count."

1/2
Burnsie: "Six or seven."
Patton: "Huh?"

1/3
Burnsie: "Depends if you think Paddy's been killed or is the killer."

1/4
Patton: "Okay ... new rule. The whole team stays in the bar. We eat here, sleep here, and stay safe here. No-one leaves for any reason, and no-one comes in."

1/5
Burnsie: "I guess that would work. There's toilets, plenty to drink, and food can be delivered."
Patton: "Delivered by the police only. No delivery boys that turn out to be chainsaw maniacs."

1/6
Scotty: "What about going outside for a smoke?"
Patton: "We'll just have to quit our evil little pleasures ..."


Page TWO

2/1
Patton: " ... and that includes sneaking out to shag Cheryl as well."

2/2
Clock behind the bar showing the time, 4:40.

2/3
Scotty: "Anything on TV?
Tim "Ginga" MacKenzie (tall, ginger-haird lock, No.4)" "Not at this hour."

2/4
Ginga: "You want a game of pool?"
Scotty: "Nah."

2/5
Ginga: "Any of you want a game of pool?"

2/6
No one replies.

2/7
Ginga: "How 'bout darts?"

2/8
Ginga: "C'mon guys. Let's have some team spirit here."

2/8
Patton spots Scotty sneaking to the door.
Patton: "Where are you going?"
Scotty: "I really need a smoke."


Page THREE

3/1
Patton: "I said no-one goes out."
Scotty: "I'm willing to chance it."

3/2
Patton: "No chances. No taking risks. No nothing."
Scotty: "But boss ... I'm dying for a ciggy. Dying ... geddit?"

3/3
Patton: "This is serious. No more jokes. There's a fucking whackjob out there who wants to kill us. "

3/4
Sebastian "Little Johnny" Latimer (No.10, The Englishman): "Or in here."

3/5
Patton: "What are you saying?"
Latimer: "I'm saying it could be any one of us."

3/6
Patton: "It could be you."
Latimer: "Yeah, but it could be you as well."


Page FOUR


4/1
Patton: "C'mon. It's not me. It's not you. It's not any of us. We're all mates."

4/2
Patton makes an annoucement and gets a round of cheers from various team members.
Patton: "We're just a little tense. Tell you what, let's all have a few drinks. Consider the bar open. I'm paying. "
"Cheers, Patton."
"Cheers, General."
"Cheers, boss."

4/3
Latimer, however, is not so easily pleased.
Latimer: "That's clever ... "

4/4
Latimer: "... get us all pissed so we'll be easy meat?"

4/5
Patton: "What? No! Jeez, I'm just trying to do something nice."
Latimer: "Sure. That's completely normal for you."

4/6
Patton: "Fuck off, Latimer. I'm not the cheap prick around here."
Latimer: "I pay my share."


Page FIVE

5/1
Patton: "Like hell you do ... you always skive off to the toilets whenever there's a bill to divide."
Latimer: "At least I'm not a glory-seeking dictator like you."

5/2
Patton: "Better than being a tosser who fucking kicks away possession all the time."
Scotty: "Hey, fellas. Settle down. We're all mates, right?"

5/3
Latimer: "Can it, Scotty. You're only on the team because you could get us a deal on the jerseys."
Patton: "Hey ... he pulls his weight."

5/4
Patton punches Latimer.
Latimer: "Unlike you. The only thing you pull is your tiny little prick."
Patton: "Fuck you!"

5/5
Bar fight breaks out.


Page SIX

6/1
More fighting. You can fill the page anyway you like really. The only thing that has to happen is that Latimer and Patton must be fighting. The bottom of the page has two small after-fight panels to finish.

6/2
Aftermath.
Latimer: (Huff huff) You know ... I don't think it is you, Patton.
Patton: "What ... (spit) ... what made you change your mind, Latimer?"

6/3
Latimer: "The real killer would have a stronger arm ... you punch like a bloody girl, mate."

Next: Penalty Kick
Logo by Guy Landry

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part twelve



And the puns get worse ...
UTTERLY RUCKED 12
Ball Retention
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
The inside of a hotel room with the room door visible. A knock from outside the room on the door.
(from door) { knock, knock }

1/2
POV (point of view) of a hand (the killer's) starting to open the door.

1/3
Large title frame. POV of what is out in the hallway. Big Willy in leather bondage gear that leaves him mostly naked. He has a ball gag in his mouth, which is the first of the Ball Retention puns for this episode. He is also wearing a dog collar and a leash which will be used against him momentarily.
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part 12: Ball Retention



Page TWO
The following frames have to be told via the facial expressions of the ball gagged Big Willy, which should be fun for any artist. It's all POV of the killer looking at Big Willy.

2/1
Willy looking wide-eyed surprised.

2/2
Willy blushing, looking embarrassed, looking down at himself.

2/3
Willy trying to explain something with his hands, his eyes pleading.

2/4
Willy being pulled into the hotel room by the leash that is connected to the dog collar.

2/5
The door being closed ...

2/6
A view from outside in the hallway of the closed door.


Page THREE

Inspector Patel talking with Patton and Burnsie

3/1
Patel: "We still haven't found Mr. O'Connell. But from what we know he may have gone AWOL."
Burnsie: "Oh?"

3/2
Patel: "There is the possibility that Mr. O'Connell is the killer."
Patton: "Paddy? Nah."

3/3
Patel: "We uncovered some IRA connections in his past, and his desire to gain access to a firearm is worrying."

3/4
Patton: "Paddy's no psycho ... I've been drinking with him for years. He's a good mate."
Patel: "Whatever you feelings regarding him for now he remains a person of interest, although not our leading suspect."
Burnsie: "Oh? Who you think it is?"

3/5
Patel: "Mr. Patterson's ex-wife."
Patton: "Jacinta? I haven't heard from her in years."

3/6
Patel: "Our files suggest your marriage did not end amicably."
Patton: "Well, yeah. She was as mad as a weta in a gumboot."


Page FOUR

4/1
Patel: "We have been unable to determine her current whereabouts, and given the ferocity of the beating she gave to you when you split ... "
Burnsie (to Patton): "Jacinta beat you up?"

4/2
Patel looking a her notes.
Patel: "Severely. He was temporarily blinded in one eye."
Patton: It wasn't the eye that hurt at the time. She kneed me really good in the nuts. More than once."

4/3
Burnsie: "Ouch. Nothing hurts more than a knee in the balls. But cripes, mate, getting beaten up by a woman?"

4/4
Burnsie looks sheepish as Patel verbally threatens him.
Patel: "It is not that uncommon. Would you like me to demonstrate on you?"
Burnsie: "Um, no."

4/5
Patel actually looking at Patton in an admiring way.
Patel: "To Mr. Patterson's credit it seems he did not injure his wife in retaliation, despite the prolonged nature of the attack which resulted in multiple defensive wounds."
Patton: "Yeah, okay. So I let her beat me up for a long time ... "


Page FIVE

5/1
Patton manages to lower himself in Patel's eyes yet again.
Patton: "... to be fair, she had just found out I'd been sleeping with her sister."
Burnsie; " Oh yeah. She was a looker."

5/2
Patel: "Anyway, gentlemen, we have completed installing a secure perimeter around the hotel with 24 hour electronic surveillance. There are three officers on duty at any time, and it has been two days now since one of your number turned up dead in some bizzare manner."

5/3
Burnsie: "So you reckon we're safe now?"
Patel: "Safer than you were. Yes."

5/4
Patel: "With any luck the killer is still somewhere in Wellington wondering where you have all gone."
Patton: "I'll drink to that. Can I get you anything inspector?"

5/5
Patel: "I'm on duty."
Patton: "Are you ever off?"

5/6
Patel leaves Patton and Burnsie drinking.
Patton: "Jacinta, eh? I suppose it could be her. At the whorehouse the other night they said they saw a woman. Although I do remember Paddy wearing a dress at a party last year."

5/7
Burnsie: "If Jacinta's after you why kill all the other guys in the team?"
Patton: "Who knows. Just to piss me off, maybe?"

5/8
Patton: "Well, sounds like she'll have a hard time breaking in here now it's all wired up. For once I might get a sound night's sleep."

5/9
Screams off. Burnsie and Patton turn to the direction of the noise.
(Aiiieeee!!!)
Burnsie: "Don't start counting sheep yet, mate."


Page SIX

6/1
Large panel Burnsie, Patton and some others gathered over the bondage gear wearing body of Big Willy, but it'll have to be positioned cleverly so we can't see too many details ... as his balls have been cut off and placed in his mouth. Obviously his ball gag is missing, replaced as it were with this new 'ball' gag.
Burnsie: "Oh dear god!"
Patton: "It's 'Big Willy' Williams."
(various gasps and ick noises from the others)

6/2
Patton and Burnsie leaning down to inspect the body a bit more closely. We do not have to see the details.
Burnsie: "What's that in his mouth?"
Patton: "Oh fuck! It's his bollocks! Someone's cut his balls off and stuffed them in his mouth!!"

6/3
Patton with a frown on his face, Burnsie open mouth in horror and disgust.
Burnsie: "Why would the killer want to do that?
Patton: "He was a strong running winger, was Big Willy ... but he always did have a problem with ball retention."

Next: Tight Maul
Logo by Guy Landry

Monday, February 15, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part eleven



Another daily script. Part 11 of 24. If I keep writing at this pace I'll have 2000 pages of comic scripts by the end of the year. Is that something to aim for?
UTTERLY RUCKED 11
Counter Rucking
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Large title frame.
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Eleven, Counter Rucking

Okay, so this is a really bad pun. The frame shows Cheryl being fucked from behind over a kitchenette counter by Matt "Big Willy" Williams (No.14). Counter rucking. Ouch. I know. But this is actually a positive Cheryl episode in which she turns the tables (counter rucks) on one of the team. Anyway, arrange the frame so we don't see anything explicit, so we are looking at their faces, Cheryl bent over the counter, Big Willy standing behind her.

Cheryl: "This is bloody uncomfortable. Do ya think we could move off the kitchen counter?"

1/2
Cheryl: "There's a sofa just over there."
Big Willy: "Just shut up, Cheryl. If I can't concentrate this takes too long."

1/3
Cheryl: "Jeez, Big Willy. Way to make me feel special."
Big Willy: "Just be thankful I'll still go with you ... some of the guys think you're bad luck ... or worse, that you're the killer."


Page TWO


2/1
They are no longer coupled. Cheryl has detached.
Cheryl: "Me? Why would I want to kill any of you?"
Big Willy: "Some claptrap Little Johnny said about you sublimating something or other."

2/2
Cheryl crying. Big Willy puts his arm around her.
Cheryl: "You think (sob) I'm the killer?"
Big Willy "Hey, don't get like that. I didn't say that. Just some of the others."

2/3
Cheryl: "I do have feelings, ya know."
Big Willy: "I know. We all do. And right now I'm feeling horny."

2/4
Cheryl is a bit pissed off.
Cheryl: "I'm not a machine, Willy."
Big Willy: "Yeah, a machine doesn't talk back."

2/5
Cheryl reaches for a kitchen knife.

2/6
Cheryl holding the knife. Big Willy looking terrified.
Big Willy: "Jeezus Cheryl ... it is you!"


Page THREE

3/1
Cheryl enjoying his fear.
Cheryl: "Fuck off ... I'm not the killer.

3/2
Threatening Willy.
Cheryl: "But I will hack your balls off if you don't start treating me with some respect. "
Big Willy: "Sorry ... sorry, Cheryl."

3/3
Cheryl being a bit nicer to nicer.
Cheryl: I'm really not the killer. There's no need to be afraid, sweetie."

3/4
Willy is not convinced.
Big Willy: "It's just ... well, you know ... the knife."

3/5
Cheryl waggling a finger at Willy.
Cheryl: "Come over here."
Big Willy: "Um ... Do I have to."

3/6
Cheryl looking stern.
Cheryl: "Yes."


Page FOUR

4/1
Cheryl pushing Willy's head down with her free hand. Willy looking up, looking a bit worried.
Cheryl: "That's better. Now ... put that tongue to use."
Big Willy: "Can you put the knife down, Cheryl?"

4/2
Cheryl has pushed Willy's head down between her legs (we don't need to see this).
Cheryl: "No. And call me Mistress."
Big Willy (from below): "Yes, Mistress."

4/3
Cheryl looking down at the (not seen) man between her legs.
Cheryl: "Mmmm. That's it. You're gonna have to work damn hard if you want a reward, little man.

4/4
Same as previous, except Cheryl is throwing her head back in pleasure.
Cheryl: "Oh yessss."


Page FIVE

Afterwards in the bar. Big Willy is drinking beer next to Patton.

5/1
Patton: "Paddy's gone missing."
Big Willy: "Cripes. Not another one."

5/2
Patton: "Well. He snuck out to get himself a gun, so maybe he just shot himself."

5/3
Big Willy: "Hey, Patton, you don't think Cheryl's the killer do you?"
Patton: "Cheryl. Nah. She's not the type."

5/4
Big Willy: "You don't think she's angry at us all for the way we treat her?"
Patton: "Nah. Cheryl's the kind of woman who gets off on the attention I reckon."

5/5
Big Willy: "So it's definitely not her."
Patton: "Nah. She loves us all in her own way."

5/6
Big Willy: "Good."
Patton: "Why do you ask?"


Page SIX

6/1
Big Willy: "Well ... it's just that something happened with her earlier today and ... and ... "
Patton: "What?"

6/2
Big Willy: "Well. I actually want to go see her again."
Patton: "Jeez! I know it's boring around here, but doing Cheryl twice in one day. You can't be that desperate?"

6/3
Big Willy having gulped down his beer
Big Willy: "I think I'm in love, mate."

6/4
Big Willy wanders off from the bar, leaving behind a puzzled Patton drinking beer.

6/5
Burnsie turns up next to Patton.
Burnsie: "What's up with him?"
Patton: "He reckons he's in love with Cheryl."

6/6
Burnsie: "It's the stress. Does strange thing to a bloke."
Patton: "Christ. I never want to get that stressed."

Next: Ball retention

Logo by Guy Landry

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part ten



I've put the W.A.S.P. scripts on hold for now until this rugby/slasher series is finished. I'm working on part fifteen right now and the juices are flowing, so to speak.
UTTERLY RUCKED 10
Scissors Move
by David Tulloch

Page ONE


1/1
Patton: "Where the hell is Paddy? He's missed roll call."
Latimer: "It's okay, boss. He snuck out to go get some protection."

1/2
Patton: "Huh?"
Latimer: "A gun. Paddy's gone to get himself a gun."

1/3
Patton: "You've got be joking. He'll be pushing shit uphill to find a gun in Eketahuna?"

1/4
Latimer: "He reckons he has his ways. Says we'll be safer if he's armed and dangerous."
Patton: "He may have a point."


Page TWO
Paddy shows off to an unseen person (the killer). We see Paddy from the point of view of the killer, as though through their eyes. It's night, so the light isn't great, which will be useful later for hiding the identity of the killer.

2/1
Paddy: "Oh, hi there. You sneaking out too?"

2/2
Paddy: "Not that there's much to find in this dump."

2/3
Paddy: "I went looking for a gun, you know, for protection, but all I could was these."

2/4
Large title frame of Paddy wielding two machetes in a scissors pose.
Paddy "They'll have to do, eh."
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Ten, Scissors Move



Page THREE


3/1
Paddy shows off for the unseen person.
Paddy: "Now if trouble comes I'm the one everyone will come crawling to save them."

3/2
Paddy does some moves with the machetes.
(whoosh, whoosh)

3/3
Paddy; "I'm the Irish ninja, me."

3/4
Paddy gets himself in the foot with a machete.
"Aaahhh! Fuckin' crap!!


Page FOUR


4/1
Paddy: "Holy mother ... I think I chopped my toe off."

4/2
Paddy: "Jesus, Joseph and Mary. That hurts ... "

4/3
Paddy" "Give us a hand would you?"

4/4
The POV moves a bit closer, to show the unseen person has moved toward Paddy.
Paddy: "Thanks ... just let me lean on you so I can hop over to the ... "


Page FIVE


5/1
Paddy looking around at the POV in shock and pain (as he has just been stabbed).
Paddy: "Ugh! What the ... !!?!!

5/2
POV Paddy falling to the ground, a pair of scissors in his back.
Paddy: "Mother of ... !"

5/3
Large frame. Paddy lying face down with a pair of scissors in his back. The killer (hard to see because of the light) with the machetes in gloved hands, holding them high ...


Page SIX


6/1
... then a crossover (scissor) move (swish) that leaves Paddy headless. A large frame.

6/2
Paddy's body and separated head in the foreground . The killer standing in the background, still unidentified.

Next: Counter Rucking
Logo by Guy Landry

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Script: Utterly Rucked, part nine



Thanks to Guy, the London KEAs (Kiwi Expat Army) Rugby Club now have a logo. There's even a jersey design to follow.

UTTERLY RUCKED 09
An Englishman, and Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar ...
by David Tulloch

Page ONE

Three players, the non-kiwi players in the team, bond after training with a beer in the hotel bar. They are Glyn "The Felsh Wanker" Davies (No.6) , Sebastian "Little Johnny" Latimer (No.10) and Paddy "Paddy" O'Connell (No.12).

1/1
Wide title frame to start. The three players, still sweaty from a training session, head into the bar without showering. These guys are all class.
TITLES
UTTERLY RUCKED
Part Nine, An Englishman, and Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar ...


Latimer: "That was a good training session."
Paddy: "Yeah ... but I mean, what's the point? We can't field a team now. We don't have enough players."
Davies: "Yeah. You boyos worried?


1/2
At a table in the bar with the beers
Paddy: "A little."
Latimer: "It's only been the kiwis so far. I think we might be safe."

1/3
Davies: "How you figure?"
Latimer: "Well, we're not really ex-pats like the rest. You're a Welshman, Paddy's a Irishman, and I'm English."

1/4
Paddy: "What about Scotty? He's from Glasgow."
Latimer: "Yeah, but he was born and raised in Dunedin."

1/5
Davies: "You really think whoever's doing this only wants to kill the locals?"


Page TWO

2/1
Latimer: "I'll cling to any hope I can get. I only joined this team because they trained just once a week. I haven't got a drop of kiwi in me."
Davies: "Expect maybe a drop of Cheryl's juices."

2/2
Latimer: "Eww. Not me, I'm always protected."
Paddy: "Maybe that's what we need. Some protection."

2/3
Latimer: "Like what?"
Paddy: Like a gun.
Davies: "Jeez, Paddy ... this is the middle of nowhere, New Zealand, not Texas. Where are you going to find a gun?"

2/4
Paddy: "I have my ways. You just got to find the right kind of people. Every town has some. I bet I can lay my hands on a shotgun by dinnertime."

2/5
Davies: "I'd feel safer if you DIDN'T have a gun, Paddy. You're not the safest pair of hands."
Paddy: "Fuck off, mate. If the killer comes after you you'll be begging for me to blast him full of lead."
Latimer: "Knowing you, you'd shoot yourself in the foot."


Page THREE

3/1
Patton comes in.
Patton: "Hey lads, good hustle out there today."
Davies: "Cheers, General."
Latimer: "Yeah ... cheers."

3/2
Patton: "Look, I know everyone's on edge. But we're in the middle of the wops now... I'm sure where safe out here."
Paddy: Well, we could always be safer. Excuse me gentlemen, but I've got to go see a man about a dog.

3/3
Patton: What's up with Paddy?
I think he's off to get some protection.

3/4
Patton: "Where's he going? There's a condom machine in the toilet."


Page FOUR

4/1
Patton walking through the hallway of the Hotel. Melanie Jensen, the daughter of Wayne and Cheryl, is walking down the hallway in the other direction.

4/2
Patton: "Hi, Mel. Have you seen your Dad?"
Mel: "Not since we got here."

4/3
Patton: "Hey, Mel. Has your Dad been acting odd lately."
Mel: "How would I tell? He's always odd."

4/4
Patton: "Yeah. I mean odder then."
Mel: "What? You think he's the pyscho?"

4/5
Patton: "Well, ... maybe."
Mel: "My Dads a lot of things ... but a killer? I just don't think he's got it in him."

4/6
Patton: "They always say it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for."
Mel: "Yeah ... I guess. I'll keep an eye on him."


Page FIVE
5/1
Patton: "Thanks Mel. Hey, how old are you now?"
Mel: "Eighteen last month."

5/2
Mel actually blushes.
Patton: "Really? I must say ... you're looking good lately. You're really growing up well."
Mel: "Um ... thanks."

5/3
Patton: "Come to the bar sometimes. I'll buy you a drink."
Mel: "'k."

5/4
Patton: "See you around Mel."
Mel: "Bye."

5/5
Mel with a smile on her face as Patton walks away.

5/6
Mel going into the door to her room.

Page SIX

6/1
Mel rummaging in her suitcase.

6/2
Mel pulling out an art book with some newspaper pages stuffed inside.

6/3
Mel cutting out something from one of the newspapers with some scissors.

6/4
We see what she is cutting, a press piece from some small press newspaper about the London KEAs tour ...

The newspaper text is as follows (but we don't need to see all of it, it can be angled so words are cut off).

A BALMIER ARMY
Watch out New Zealand, you're being invaded ... by your own.
The Kiwi Expat Army is coming. Also known as the London KEAs Rugby Club.The team heads off on a four week tour of New Zealand this week.
Starting in Wellington, the KEAs will travel the length and breath of the island nation playing against small local clubs in a series of friendly but highly competitive matches.
Team captain, coach, tour organizer and openside flanker, Glen Patterson, known to his teammates as General Patton, tells the Standard that the tour is about pride.
"A lot of the blokes back home think you go soft when you move over to the UK. We're going to show them that an expat take on the Northern Hemisphere style of rugby is more than a match for they way they play back home ..."


6/5
... she is cutting out Patton's head ...

6/6
And she pastes it into a page full of Patton heads. Make sure the scissors are visible in this frame, lying on the page.

Next: Scissors Move
London KEAs logo by Guy Landry