UTTERLY RUCKED 21 Professional Foul by David Tulloch
Page ONE Patel and Patton running to the hotel.
1/1 Patton: "Why would Mel want to kill us?" Patel: "I barely know you and I want to kill you."
1/2 Patel: "Maybe she's just sick of seeing you all use her mother and father." Patton: "What? None of us have ever fucked Wayne ... "
1/3 Patton: "... Oh, God! Are some of my team poofters? Is this some bizarre gay sex cult thing?" Patel: "It's not always about sex, Mr Patterson. There are other ways to use someone."
1/4 Patel with her cellphone out in the foreground. In the distance ahead they can see smoke billowing from the hotel, because Mel recently lit a fire. Patton: "What's all that smoke?" Patel: "Damn. Just what we need. I'll call the fire brigade ... you go on."
Page TWO Meanwhile, back in the hotel. Roll call: Sgt. Bell, Latimer (10), Housden (13), Pike (16) 'Little Willy' Williams (17), Patton, Burnsie and an police officer are alive in the room, for now.
2/1 In the crowded room with the players, the cops and Wayne and Cheryl Jensen. Wayne: "Are you saying my wife has committed acts of adultery?" Bell: "Please Mr Jensen, just calm down."
2/2 Finally, a chance to use one of the all time classic kiwi joke lines ... Housden: "Jeez, Wayne, you'd have to be blind not to notice what Cheryl's been up to. The woman's insatiable." Wayne: "Just what are you saying?"
2/3 Cheryl: "He's saying I've been screwing the whole team for years ... "
2/4 Cheryl gets slapped by Wayne. Cheryl: "... and I've loved every single fu ... " (slap!) TITLES UTTERLY RUCKED Part Twenty-one, Professional Foul
Page THREE
3/1 Bell: "Please Mr Jensen, refrain from hitting the prisoner, or I'll be forced to arrest you as well." Wayne: "How could you Cheryl?"
3/2 Mel in the doorway of the room. Wayne: "How could you sleep with other men?" Latimer: "Um ... hi, Mel."
3/4 Mel looks at her mother in handcuffs. Mel: "Hello, Mum."
3/5 Burnsie: "Um ... sorry about your parents, Mel." Mel: "Not as sorry as I am."
3/6 Bell: "Okay ... Time to make this official. I'm taking Mrs Jensen to the local station to be processed." Cheryl: "But I didn't do anything."
Page FOUR
4/1 Housden: "Hey, we want a piece of her first." Latimer: "C'mon, let's us rough her up a bit, Sarge. She killed our mates."
4/2 In the background we see Mel has the bag of weapons from episode 19, and is looking inside. Bell: "You can't seriously think I'd let you molest a prisoner." Latimer: "I said rough her up ... we've been molesting her for years." (silent laughs from others in room.)
4/3 In foreground Wayne is bitch slapping Latimer, who pushed him away. Mel is strapping on a belt with large knife in the background. Wayne: "Why you ... you cad!" Latimer: "Sod off, Wayne. Christ, you hit like a girl."
4/4 Mel is putting on some spiked gloves in the background. Bell: "Gentlemen, please calm down. I'm escorting the prisoner out of here." Housden: "Cheryl always wanted to be an escort."
4/5 Mel is holding a throwing dagger, judging its weight. The team members are looking over at the door where Patton has just arrived. Housden: "Hey, it's the General." Latimer: "Welcome back, Patton. How was the date?"
Page FIVE
5/1 Large panel of Mel looking the business, all decked out with weapons and holding a throwing dagger menacingly. The others in the rooms all following Patton's pointed arm as he tries to make them aware of the real killer. Patton: "Guys ...(puff) ... guys ... Mel ... "
5/2 Wayne: "Melanie. What are you doing with all of those sharp things? They belong to your mother. Patton: "(puff) No ... Mel ... (cough, hack) ... Mel's the ... killer.
5/3 Most of the room does not believe him ... at first. Bell: "Mel?" Wayne: "Melanie?"
Page SIX
6/1 Cheryl: "But she's just a bookworm." Mel: "Shut up, Mum. Better a boring bookworm than a harping harlot."
6/2 Mel doing that cocking her head to one side in thought thing she did a while back, but still with the throwing dagger ready. Mel: "Now ... where was I?"
6/3 Mel throws the dagger which hits Housden (No.13, the centre) in the chest to the horror of those present in the room. Housden: (urk)
6/4 Housden falls over so the number 13 on his jersey is visible. The others look terrified. Mel: "Oh look! Got you right in the Centre."
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