Here's the first in a multi-part (about 24 six-page episodes, I think) rugby/slasher story. I figured, what could be more kiwi that a comedy/horror story with rugby?
So if there's anyone out there that wants to draw/buy/comment on this, please do so.
UTTERLY RUCKEDLondon KEAs logo by Guy Landry
Part One: HIGH BALL
by David Tulloch
A multi-part horror/comedy about a touring rugby team being tackled one by one by a manic serial killer who spouts rugby cliches. My entry to the kiwi horror genre.
Start with three tall panels across, the titles below them, then a 4th full-width panel to finish the page. There a few visual 'jokes' that relate to the title: a highball glass, a rugby ball being tossed around, and the plane high in the sky. I've tried to give a cinematic feel to the panels, with establishing shots, pans, zooms, etc.
A plane in the sky. Show the illusion of height by placing it high up in the frame of clouds and sky.
From plane: "Hey, miss"
A close up of a worn (that is, being worn) rugby jersey showing a logo. The jersey is a Olive/Black opposite quarters design, in the top left block (which is black) is a logo. The logo is of a Kea bird on top of a rugby ball pecking at the laces (KEA = Kiwi Expat Army).
A held up glass, a highball glass, being waved an air hostess (who you can show through the glass in a cool effect if you wish)
Glass Holder (off): "Give us another would you, love?"
Part One, HIGH BALL
Full width page to finish, showing the interior of a passenger jet in which the 15+ members of a traveling rugby team are scattered about, all wearing the jersey mentioned before with the Kea logo. Two of them are passing a rugby ball across the aisle. Several are obviously drunk.
The air hostess should be visible giving the man from the previous panel a new drink. One of them, visibly wearing the number 9 jersey of a halfback (or fly-half) should be walking down the aisle. The halfback is heading to the toilets. He will not survive the flight because he is about to commit that most deadly act in any horror story ... he is about to have sex. His name is Paul "Shorty" Seddon, and, like many halfbacks, he is a bit shorter than the rest of the team, say about 5'6".
Also visible in the frame should be a serious, weedy looking man (Wayne "Blow Me" Jensen), balding with a comb-over, who is the traveling referee the team has bought with them ... just so the games are fair. Have him with a whistle around his neck. Next to him is an empty seat (that was where his wife was sitting, but she is waiting for the halfback in the toilets) and next to the empty seat is their daughter. The daughter, Mel, is a serious, glasses wearing, slightly frumpy (by design) teenage (17) girl who is reading a serious book (say Kafka's The Trial, or something similar) ignoring all the chaos around her.
You don't have to show all the players, but just give the impression that a lot, but not all, of the passengers in this area are from the same rugby team. For player names, bios and basic descriptions see the notes file (not included, but supplied on request).
The halfback, Shorty, walks down the aisle to the toilets ...
2/1 Following the halfback, Shorty, from behind so his number 9 is visible on the back of his jersey. His head is turned as a seated teammate has passed a rugby ball in his direction.
Teammate (Patton): "Heads up, Shorty."
The teammate is the captain/player coach of the team, Glen "Gen. Patton" Patterson. He will be a main character in this story, at least until his messy and untimely demise(?). He's the openside flanker, number 7.
Shorty having caught the ball.
Patton: "Good hands, mate."
The ball being passed back to the teammate, you can go close in on the hands.
Shorty: "Of course ... "
Shorty wiggling his fingers ...
Shorty: " ... these are magic fingers."
Patton (laughing): "Is that why you're off to the bog? Going to use those magic fingers on yourself, ya wanker?"
Shorty giving a single magic finger salute.
Shorty: "I'll use a magic finger on you, ya arsehole."
We do a classic horror genre double take ... Shorty seems to be about to do something horrible to an 'innocent' woman, but it's not what it seems.
Shorty looking devious and evil.
Close up on Shorty's eyes and mouth.
Close up point of view (POV) of Shorty's hands opening the toilet door.
More POV, the hands still outstretched. A shocked looking middle aged women, dressed provocatively.
Woman (Cheryl "Blow Me" Jensen): "Oh my ... please don't hurt me mister!"
(Note that the husband and wife have the same team nickname, although they are not aware of this.)
The POV hands almost upon the women, still acting frightened.
Cheryl: "Please, mister ... I'll do anything you want, just don't hurt me."
Shorty and Cheryl embracing.
Shorty: "Jeez, Cheryl. One of the stewardesses might over hear you and freak."
Shorty thinking about Cheryl's proposal, Cheryl groping Shorty.
Cheryl: "Maybe she'd come in, and then you could have both of us in a three-way?"
Shorty: "You think? Nah!"
Cheryl pulling Shorty close to her for a sloppy kiss.
Cheryl: "Come here, Shorty."
Cut to outside the toilet ... muffled moans from within.
Cheryl (off, muffled): "Ohhh ... that's not a shorty now, is it. Mmmm."
Pan along the aisle, the rugby players still playing up, drinking and tossing the ball around.
(off ahead) "You're mother's been in the lavatory for quite some time, Melanie.
Wayne "Blow Me" Jensen, the referee, an empty seat, and then his daughter, Mel 'Specs" Jensen. You can split this across the next panel, so the empty seat is cut by the panel break. You'll note that Wayne and his wife, Cheryl, share the same nickname ... one because of his tendency to blow his whistle, the other ... well, you get the idea.
Wayne: "I told her not to order the chicken meal."
Mel rolling her eyes, barely looking away from her book.
Mel: "Christ, Dad. You're such a dick."
The seatbelt sign on ...
(off, comms) "Please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated, ladies and gentlemen, as we will be landing presently at Wellington International Airport."
The plane coming in to land.
(from plane, comms) "Thank you for traveling with us today, and a special 'Good Luck' to the London Kea's rugby team for their tour of New Zealand."
The plane taxiing up to a gangway
(from plane, comms) "Let's hope they don't get beaten by too much."
Passengers coming through an exit gate into a concourse area.
Finally, Glen "Gen. Patton" Patterson emerges to be greeted by an old mate.
Burnsie: "Patton, you ol' bugger. Good to see you."
Patton: "Burnsie. It's great to see you gain, mate."
Burnsie: "Good flight?"
Patton: "So-so. I didn't get to shag any stewardess."
Standing next under a sign that says 'Baggage Claim'.
Burnsie: "We'll get your bags and then go to the hotel bar ... "
Patton: "Sound's like a plan."
6/2 The two of theme standing near the plastic curtain thing that the bags go through as they come out on the conveyor.
Burnsie: "You bring a good team with ya?"
Patton: "Pretty good, yeah. We'll give you lot a run for your money."
(off) "What the ... ??"
Just come through the conveyor curtain is half of Shorty, the top half, his legs are missing. Burnsie and Patton are standing there looking with horror at the half body.
Patton: "Holy fuck!!! It's Shorty. Well, half of him. Half of our scrum-half.
Close up of the half body.
Burnsie (off): Scrum-half? You've been in the UK too long, mate. That's half a halfback.
Next: A Game of Two Halves.