I'm currently writing episode eighteen, so I have a good cushion built up. Just as well ... between the children and the cats last night there wasn't much sleep. I'm feeling less than creative today.
UTTERLY RUCKED 13Logo by Guy Landry
by David Tulloch
Burnsie and Patton at the bar.
Burnsie: "This is fucking ridiculous, mate."
Patton: "I know ... how many is that now? I've lost count."
Burnsie: "Six or seven."
Burnsie: "Depends if you think Paddy's been killed or is the killer."
Patton: "Okay ... new rule. The whole team stays in the bar. We eat here, sleep here, and stay safe here. No-one leaves for any reason, and no-one comes in."
Burnsie: "I guess that would work. There's toilets, plenty to drink, and food can be delivered."
Patton: "Delivered by the police only. No delivery boys that turn out to be chainsaw maniacs."
Scotty: "What about going outside for a smoke?"
Patton: "We'll just have to quit our evil little pleasures ..."
Patton: " ... and that includes sneaking out to shag Cheryl as well."
Clock behind the bar showing the time, 4:40.
Scotty: "Anything on TV?
Tim "Ginga" MacKenzie (tall, ginger-haird lock, No.4)" "Not at this hour."
Ginga: "You want a game of pool?"
Ginga: "Any of you want a game of pool?"
No one replies.
Ginga: "How 'bout darts?"
Ginga: "C'mon guys. Let's have some team spirit here."
Patton spots Scotty sneaking to the door.
Patton: "Where are you going?"
Scotty: "I really need a smoke."
Patton: "I said no-one goes out."
Scotty: "I'm willing to chance it."
Patton: "No chances. No taking risks. No nothing."
Scotty: "But boss ... I'm dying for a ciggy. Dying ... geddit?"
Patton: "This is serious. No more jokes. There's a fucking whackjob out there who wants to kill us. "
Sebastian "Little Johnny" Latimer (No.10, The Englishman): "Or in here."
Patton: "What are you saying?"
Latimer: "I'm saying it could be any one of us."
Patton: "It could be you."
Latimer: "Yeah, but it could be you as well."
Patton: "C'mon. It's not me. It's not you. It's not any of us. We're all mates."
Patton makes an annoucement and gets a round of cheers from various team members.
Patton: "We're just a little tense. Tell you what, let's all have a few drinks. Consider the bar open. I'm paying. "
Latimer, however, is not so easily pleased.
Latimer: "That's clever ... "
Latimer: "... get us all pissed so we'll be easy meat?"
Patton: "What? No! Jeez, I'm just trying to do something nice."
Latimer: "Sure. That's completely normal for you."
Patton: "Fuck off, Latimer. I'm not the cheap prick around here."
Latimer: "I pay my share."
Patton: "Like hell you do ... you always skive off to the toilets whenever there's a bill to divide."
Latimer: "At least I'm not a glory-seeking dictator like you."
Patton: "Better than being a tosser who fucking kicks away possession all the time."
Scotty: "Hey, fellas. Settle down. We're all mates, right?"
Latimer: "Can it, Scotty. You're only on the team because you could get us a deal on the jerseys."
Patton: "Hey ... he pulls his weight."
Patton punches Latimer.
Latimer: "Unlike you. The only thing you pull is your tiny little prick."
Patton: "Fuck you!"
Bar fight breaks out.
More fighting. You can fill the page anyway you like really. The only thing that has to happen is that Latimer and Patton must be fighting. The bottom of the page has two small after-fight panels to finish.
Latimer: (Huff huff) You know ... I don't think it is you, Patton.
Patton: "What ... (spit) ... what made you change your mind, Latimer?"
Latimer: "The real killer would have a stronger arm ... you punch like a bloody girl, mate."
Next: Penalty Kick