Sold to the man in the trenchcoat and hat

Unigirl (see yesterday's post) claims to have 'tendered' her virginity for $NZ45,000. Apparently 30,000+ viewed the ad and 1200+ people made her an offer. The online auction was ended just as media attention was beginning to go global ... Indian and Australia newspapers have picked up the story.

It's a good price, as far as these things go. Recently a 16-year old Northern Ireland sold hers for $NZ18,000, but the sale never went through as the buyer was a reporter seeking an interview. Supposedly a Romanian girl in Germany sold her virginity recently only to be landed with a hefty tax bill.

However, I can't help feeling Unigirl sold herself short. If she'd just waited all the global interest in her auction could have netted her a lot more. After all, it's a one time sale. So far the only woman to reclaim her virginity after the fact has been Doris Day. The quick end to the auction on the I Need site, and the lack of any means to verify the sale, reinforces my theory that the whole thing was a publicity stunt.

If it was a stunt it has had a small amount of success, as there are a few new postings on the I Need site ... even a personal ad offering the "Girl Friend Experience" for $NZ150.00, including fantasy and role play. (By telephone appointment only.)

$NZ45,000 for the first time ... $NZ150.00 if you have extensive experience. On-the-job knowledge is just not valued anymore.

Links
http://www.ineed.co.nz/search_extended.php/relationship/id/676/
http://www.stuff.co.nz/waikato-times/news/3277513/Student-auctions-off-her-virginity
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7076279/Teenager-tries-to-sell-her-virginity-to-fund-education.html

Virginity For Sale ... Steaming Hot Virginity For Sale

Why pay for advertising when you can get it for free? The media will happily give you free publicity if you dangle a juicy, sexy, salacious story their way.

So I Need, a struggling TradeMe rival, has a 19-year old woman selling her virginity to the highest bidder. Or is she? Bidding is private, so while the listing says the "highest bidder" will win Unigirl's virginity, she(?) doesn't have to accept any bids.

I Need has only a few hundred 'auctions' active, maybe less as their listing numbers are not accurate. For example, their "personal" section has 11 listings, but when you follow the link it turns out there are only 3, one of which is the "Relationship For Sale" of Unigirl.

No picture is offered for this auction (you can't see the goods upfront) so the NZ Herald article on this sex-filled story used a picture of a woman in fishnet stockings adjusting high heels with the filename 'Parlour_220x147.jpg' ... implying the editor dredged a stock pic from the prostitution file to illustrate the plight of the "cash-strapped Kiwi student". Classy.

The Herald also had a related article link to a 'report' about a 26-year old Auckland Christian, Melanie Clarke, who informs us her virginity is priceless. In Melanie's case a photo was included. Look but don't touch. This is cutting-edge journalism! Who knew there were Christians out there who felt strongly about sex and virginity?

The whole thing has the feel of a stunt. Unigirl was not accepting requests for interviews, which suggests she isn't really serious about promoting the sale. Surely if she wanted top dollar for the goods she'd grab the media spotlight with both hands and shine it directly between her legs?

The stunt gives I Need some much needed publicity. Unfortunately the lack of substantial listings on their site will mean it doesn't get them many new members. I predict Unigirl's 'auction' will disappear without the world discovering if there was a successful sale. The media will go look for sexy stories elsewhere. University fees will continue to rise with all the serious consequences that implies. Serious consequences that just aren't sexy enough to make the papers.

Cherry 2000 versus Frigid Farrah

Building on yesterday's blog, finally another of those much wanted items of future tech that Hollywood promised me as a kid is here. Sex robots have arrived. Cherry 2000 is a reality.

Roxxxy is five feet, seven inches tall, weighs 120 pounds, and is made by TrueCompanion. Roxxy isn't their first attempt at a sex robot, there was Trudy in 1993, but Trudy wasn't as "user friendly" as Roxxxy is. Roxxxy is customizable, internet connectible, and has moving 'inputs'. She also has multiple personalities.

The designer, Douglas Hines, asked himself that age-old question; "wouldn't it be great if I could create a robot with artificial intelligence and have it hold someone's personality and preferences - this way, we could talk to the robotic version of that person and ask it questions whenever we wanted"?

Questions such as can you spread your legs wider, or do you like it rough? No, you actually chit-chat with Roxxxy about cars, sports, etc. That's just what everyone wants to do with their sex toys, right? I discuss Descartes with a dildo, don't you?

So, Roxxxy, how about them Raiders? Did you hear that rain last night? Have you seen the Picasso exhibit that's in town? Why do you think all my friends laugh at me? Why am I so alone? Is this knot going to hold my weight when I kick the chair away? How many days do you think it'll be before they find my body?

Roxxxy comes programmed with five distinct named personalities, each with their own ways of responding to you. Wild Wendy is outgoing. Mature Martha is, well, older. S&M Susan likes B&D. There's a young, naive personality I couldn't find the name of, but probably comes with bobby socks and a lollipop. Then there's Frigid Farrah. That's right, you can set your sex robot to frigid.

This raises one big question. Who the hell would spend a shit-load of money on a robotic sex slave and set her to the Frigid Farrah personality?

"Have you met my new sex robot. She cost a pretty penny, I can tell you. About ten G's after sales tax. She's top of the line, though. Her name's Farrah."

"Wow, how does she feel when you, you know ... do her?"

"I have no idea, she won't let me touch her. She says I'm not good enough for her. Calls me a loser."

"Um ... you paid ten thousand dollars for that?"

"It's less than my first marriage cost me, Bob. Much less."

As the movie Cherry 2000 taught us, even Melanie Griffith is better than a sex robot. Now that's a sobering thought.

Shocking stuff

Emily Veinglory recently posted this cartoon of hers on her Cliterature Blog. This probably says too much about what kind of person I am, but the first thing that came to mind, aside from it being funny, was "Oh my god, that vibrator isn't earthed ... that's really dangerous."

When I commented as such Emily replied; "The dangers of a ungrounded vibrator -- there should be a public service announcement about that.... "

(Office scene: two female office workers are looking over their shared cubicle wall at a co-worker, Bob, who is acting strangely.)

Sally: "What's Bob doing?"

Madge:"Well, Sally, he's clucking like a chicken and jumping up on people's desks."

Sally: "That Bob, he's not very grounded is he?"

Madge: "No, he isn't, Sally,and that's just fine for him. We all need a Bob or two in our lives to make us laugh."

Sally: "But you know what's no laughing matter when it comes to things being ungrounded?"

Madge: "What's that, Sally?"

Sally: "Vibrators."

Madge: "Oh, gosh!"

Sally: "That's right. You should always use a well grounded vibrator."

Madge: "I know I wouldn't want to put anything down there that wasn't grounded."

Sally: "So remember ... Before you make it buzz in your fuzz check to see if it got the right plugs."

Madge: "That's sound advice, Sally."

Sally: "No, Madge. That's ground advice."

(forced smiles and canned laughter)

Artwork copyright Emily Veinglory

No one here but us chickens

My daughter is rapidly approaching five-years old, and she often asks when she is going to start school. This has made me cast my own mind back to by first primary school, Fraser Cresent, where I spend a few years before my family moved a few hundred miles away. I only have a few hazy memories of that school.

I remember being shown a sex education film that confused me a bit. It was an explicit film, but only at the microscopic level. Macro details were all rather coy, but under a microscope they showed a sperm fusing with an egg. However, it was chicken sperms and egg, and I was certain for years afterward that sex between humans somehow involved chickens.

Perhaps even more confusing for a young lad was the schools house system, modeled on those great english schools, and now famously used in Hogwarts. I was in Snell House, which meant that sometimes I had to wear something really stupid. So did everyone else. There were sporting events, and a points system. Snell House did not do well. I wasn't sure how I was meant to feel about that.

Walking to and from school had its moments. There were a couple of nesting magpies in the pines of the field that led to the schoolyard. You quickly learnt to avoid having anything shiny on your person.

Playtimes seemed to consist of a large free-for-all brawl where dozens of kids would get together, boys and girls, and wrestle and sucker punch each other until the bell rang. I remember that when one kid discovered the bamboo bushes out the back the whole thing deteriorated into mock sword fights followed by dizzy spells. I'm guessing the teachers weren't worried by their young charges beating each other senseless on a daily basis. Maybe it made for quite, compliant students in the afternoons?

I remember being one of the few boys that was friends with girls. I was often invited to the house of a girl named Gail, where we would play board games such as Which Witch. Then one day I was walking home hand-in-hand with a girl named Robin. We were accosted by some older boys who forced us to kiss. There, in the alley, next to the flowering honeysuckle, I discovered that even bullies can be useful.

Robin and I spent a lot of time together after that. She was my first girlfriend. Robin's father seemed to hate me. He would always keep a close eye on us. I believe he even suggested to my parents that it would be best if the two of us stopped playing together.

He was right to be worried. I may have been young, but I was already trying to figure out where I could get my hands on a live chicken.