Friday, June 18, 2010

Script: DARK BAY ONE (page 6 of 6)

The final page of part one. That's my wife's hand in the penultimate panel. You try and make a Playmobil figure give the finger.d

One advantage of turning the script into a almost-comic is that I realize when I've put too many words, or the wrong words, into a frame. I get to edit as I got, modify the text, make improvements. Fiddle. Sometimes I even add words in, but usually I take them out.

As I've said before, the six-page length for these scripts is not completely arbitrary. They could easily be collected into a 24-page or 30-page full episode. But forcing myself to think of the story as six-page blocks makes it more focused. There can't be too many filler pages this way. Things have to happen. I think in a story like this one that is even more important. Stories set in sleepy towns have the danger of becoming ... sleepy.

Part two will be posted soon.

Page SIX

(Puking noise)
What's up with him?
Car sick. Didn't like the ride over the hill.

For fuck's sake.
Here's the initial report from the tech boys.

Jesus. What language is it in?
Geek speak.

She had a flower necklace.

A sixties woman with a flower neckalce. That'll narrow things down.

Well. Have fun. And go easy on the kid.
Pukey McPuke? I'll be nice. I promised the boss.

What did the poor bastard do to get tossed out in the wops with me anyway?
No idea ...

Probably nothing worse that what you buried yourself with.

(gives finger as car drives off).

C'mon, Vomitlad ... let's go fight some crime.

END of part one

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