Friday, June 18, 2010

Script: DARK BAY ONE (page 6 of 6)



The final page of part one. That's my wife's hand in the penultimate panel. You try and make a Playmobil figure give the finger.d

One advantage of turning the script into a almost-comic is that I realize when I've put too many words, or the wrong words, into a frame. I get to edit as I got, modify the text, make improvements. Fiddle. Sometimes I even add words in, but usually I take them out.

As I've said before, the six-page length for these scripts is not completely arbitrary. They could easily be collected into a 24-page or 30-page full episode. But forcing myself to think of the story as six-page blocks makes it more focused. There can't be too many filler pages this way. Things have to happen. I think in a story like this one that is even more important. Stories set in sleepy towns have the danger of becoming ... sleepy.

Part two will be posted soon.

Page SIX

6/1
(Puking noise)
What's up with him?
Car sick. Didn't like the ride over the hill.

6/2
For fuck's sake.
Here's the initial report from the tech boys.

6/3
Jesus. What language is it in?
Geek speak.

She had a flower necklace.

A sixties woman with a flower neckalce. That'll narrow things down.

6/4
Well. Have fun. And go easy on the kid.
Pukey McPuke? I'll be nice. I promised the boss.

6/5
What did the poor bastard do to get tossed out in the wops with me anyway?
No idea ...

6/6
Probably nothing worse that what you buried yourself with.

6/7
(gives finger as car drives off).

6/8
C'mon, Vomitlad ... let's go fight some crime.


END of part one

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