Thursday, January 7, 2010

It's your fault

Like most people I'm sick to death of hearing about the economic crisis we've been going through. Even the news that the economy is recovering is greeted with minimum enthusiasm.

Meh. Things were bad. Now they are a bit better.

However, the one thing that does interest me in any crisis is assigning blame. And it is crystal clear who is to blame for the recession and the slow recovery. You.

That's right it's your fault. It's your fault we got into the recession, and it's your fault we were slow to get out, and it's your fault we are not recovering fast enough.

For a start, you're not spending enough. Shame on you.

You need to buy more luxury items to help stimulate the economy. But all this talk of doom and economic gloom has made you hesitant in your purchases.

Maybe I'll wait until things are better before replacing the washing machine, you think to yourself. After all, when it really starts to move on the spin cycle it can be rather pleasant.

Well, that's the kind of attitude that doomed us to some extra seconds of recession. You should be out spending money on new appliance, including sex toys by the sounds of it, you frustrated freak.

But it's not just your lack of spending that makes the recession your fault. Oh no. You also have not been saving enough of your income. How could you? You sir or madam, are worse than Hitler.

If you don't save just the right amount of your income you doom us all to a lingering recession. Of course, you can save too much, just ask the Chinese government, who are desperately trying to pry money away from their stingy emerging middle-class. The bastards save as much as 50% of what they earn. How's an economy supposed to be stimulated with that going on?

So you see, it's all your fault. You're not saving enough. You're not spending enough. And if you have a mortgage you're even worse. I mean, locking up your equity in housing contributed to the housing bubble. You utter shit. Have you no concern for others?

So, if you're not saving about 30% of a rather large income, and spending the other 70% on frivolous consumer items while living in a cardboard box ... we'll you're just not a fully functioning member of our capitalist economy and should be arrested forthwith for being a communist and shot.

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