At the very least these script fulfill my self-imposed condition that they be very different than the Utterly Rucked ones ...
Disclaimer: Like anything I write, the panel breakdowns are just suggestions. If you want to group some panels together so there are multiple speech bubbles, or break them apart so there are more panels with less words, feel free. Layout suggestions are just that. You're the artist, feel free to play with the layout and frames as you wish.
1/1 A man, David, shaving.
(Simon, off): "Oh for fuck's sake ... "
Man stops shaving.
David: "Language, Simon. Watch the language."
We can see there's a small child, about one year old, in a high chair eating some food messily. There is another man. They are a couple. Make them of different ethnic looks just for added emphasis.
Simon: "He's only a baby, David. He doesn't understand."
David: "There are a number of studies that suggest that tone of voice is important."
A pile of dog shit.
Simon: "Yeah, well, those studies are as big a pile of shit as this."
David: "Ah. Well I told you ..."
David: "But if he doesn't go out in the evening ... "
Simon: "Just don't, okay."
Simon: "Well what?"
David: "Are you going to clean it up?"
Simon: "Are you?"
David: "If you'd taken him out last night when it was your turn."
Simon: "I said fucking don't."
Simon: "And don't you 'language' me, either."
Simon: "You pick it up. I'm going to work."
Daid: "If I'm picking this up you're picking Rufus up from daycare."
Simon: "I can't ... meeting."
David: "Well then I can't either."
Simon: "Can we not do this, David?"
David: "What you're not doing is looking after the damn dog."
Simon: "That's because I don't want the damn dog."
David: "We made a commitment."
Simon: "Yeah, well. We've made a lot of commitments lately."
David: "What? Are you saying you wish we hadn't got married?"
Simon: "I never said that."
David: "Then you wish we'd never had Rufus?!?"
Simon: "Of course not. It's the damn dog I don't want. We don't need it anymore. We have ... more."
David: "We promised we'd look after him. We signed a contract."
Simon: "Yeah, promised it to people we didn't know. To people the world is better off without."
David: "That's a horrible thing to say."
Simon: "It's true though, isn't it?"
Simon: "You have to admit. If they hadn't ... ascended or whatever, ... well, we wouldn't be married ... we wouldn't have even been able to adopt a child, let alone have a biological splice like Rufus."
David: "We promised. We took their money."
Simon: "It was less than one hundred dollars. The mutt ate through that in a week."
Simon: "C'mon! you thought it was a scam, like everyone else. You never believed it would actually happen. Pet Rapture Insurance from JesusPets.com! Hell, it was a damn scam. We just didn't know we were the ones being scammed."
Simon: "You don't even like dogs. You've always said you were a cat person."
David: "But you're allergic to cats."
Simon: "But I'm allergic. I wish it had been to dogs instead."
Simon: "It sheds hair everywhere, it poops everywhere ... I found a flea the other day, David. A flea!"
Simon; "We can just turn him in to the stray reduction program."
David: "But they'll kill him, Simon."
Simon: "Yes. Yes they will."
David: "I ... I can't do it."
David: "He's a living creature, Simon."
Simon: "Doesn't have a soul though. That much we know."
David: "Yeah, well. Having a soul isn't that great. My sinful, corrupt little soul didn't get me anywhere."
Simon: "It got us Rufus ..."
Simon: "It got us a life together. The life we always wanted."
David: "Yeah. I guess it did."
Simon: "I'll walk the damn dog when I get home tonight. And I'll be nice."
David: "I'll pick up Rufus from daycare."
David: "Love you."
Simon: "Love you too, my corrupt soul-mate."