Script: DARK BAY FOUR (6 of 6)

The final part of Dark Bay for now ...

More to follow in a little while.

Page SIX

6/1
Sal: His widow said Hobson was a sucker for a pretty girl.

6/2
Annie: Psycho for one, more like it.

6/3
Annie: He threw rocks at us if we walked past his place on our way home from school.
Sal: The Hobson house is quite a way from the road.

6/4
Annie: That's the new house.

6/5
The original farmhouse was, well, a stone's throw away.

6/6
Sal: C'mon, Pukey ... we need to have another chat with the widow Hobson.

Next: The answer to everything?

Script: DARK BAY FOUR (5 of 6)

Some days you know the fates are kind when you find a Playmobil bible to use in a photo. Final page of part four tomorrow.

Page FIVE

5/1
Annie: That was the strangest bit ...

5/2
I'd always been afraid of Hobson. All the local girls were.

5/3
Sal: Because he was such a ladies man?

5/4
Annie: What? No, just the opposite.

5/5
Sal: Don;t tell me he was gay as well?

5/6
Annie: As well? No, no. He just didn't like girls.

5/7
I suppose you'd say young women these days.

5/8
Hobson would always yell at us. Call us names ...

5/9
Whores, sluts. That sort of thing. Yelling bits of the Bible at us ...

To be continued ...

Script: DARK BAY FOUR (4 of 6)

Page FOUR
Annie remembering that day back in '68 ...

4/1
Annie: Hobson went crazy.

4/2
Screamed at me ... tried to get away.

4/3
He said I was going to kill him.

4/4
My father looked up at me and told me to go back to bed.

4/5
But I stayed awake. Heard my parents talking.

4/6
Hobson's heart gave out. Fear, my father said.

To be continued ...

Script: DARK BAY FOUR (3 of 6)

Playmobil are all designed for headgear; hats, bandannas, helmets ... But I figured that for this episode the flashback frames could all have 'bed hair' simply by not giving them any hats.

Page ONE
Annie's memories of the night Lyall Hobson died continue ...

3/1
Annie: Hobson looked at me ...

3/2
I remember his eyes ...

3/3
I was a bit frightened of him, to tell the truth.

3/4
But the way his eyes reacted when he saw me ...

3/5
He was afraid of me.

3/6
He was scared out of his wits.

3/7
My father was cursing under his breath ...

3/8
... still trying to find something.

3/9
I started walking down the stairs to help ...

To be continued ...

Script: DARK BAY FOUR (2 of 6)

Playmobil are such happy chaps. Always smiling. Even when having a heart attack.

Page TWO
Annie McInnes remembers the past ...

2/1
Neil: Sorry

2/2
Sal (to Annie): He's new.
Annie: It shows.

2/3
Sal: So, Annie, what do you remember about the night Lyall Hobson died?

2/4
Annie: It was quite the night ...

2/5
Annie: I was fifteen ... The banging on the door woke me.

2/6
I heard a woman's voice, but when I started downstairs I only saw my Father with Lyall.

2/7
He was breathing fast. Hyper-ventilating.

2/8
Clutching his chest. In pain.

2/9
My father was trying to find something from his desk ...

To be continued ...

Script: DARK BAY FOUR (1 of 6)

The start of another episode ...

There will soon be a website where completed strips can be read sequentially, but I'll continue to post scripts on the blog.

This episode reveals he true geekiness of 'Pukey' (a.k.a. Neil).

Page ONE

1/1 TITLE frame, large view of the bay from above.
Annie McInnes (off): Sorry, Sal ... My father was never one for keeping records ...

1/2
Annie: He was a Doctor, not a file clerk.
Neil: Ha ha! That's just like Star Trek.

1/3
Sal: What?
Neil: It's something Doc McCoy might say.

To be continued ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 6 of 6)

The final page of part three. More soon.

Also something new on it's way, and maybe a new website as well.

Page SIX

Bernie: Well, not openly. Not back then.
Sal: Stu was sure Sunchild was with Mickey Fresno.

Bernie: Mickey always liked to have pretty girls on his arm. Image was everything.

Bernie: No-one but Mickey touched the car though. No way she slept in his car.

Sal: Who fixed you up that night? After you were stabbed.

Bernie: Doc McInnes. He was the town doctor back when The Bay had one.

Bernie: His daughter's still a local. Annie.

Change of scene, to Annie McInnes' house.
Sal: Sorry to bother you Annie, but do you remember the night Bernie Fenton was treated for a stab wound?

Annie: Oh, I'll never forget that night ...

Annie: ... that was the night Lyall Hobson died of a heart attack.

Continued soon ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 5 of 6)

Cow!

Page FIVE
Back on Bernie's farm.

Bernie: Back so soon, Sal?
Sal: The girl who stabbed you called herself Sunchild. She was with Mickey Fresno.

Bernie: Mickey Frenso. There's a blast from the past!

His real name was Mike Smith, but me wanted to south American.

He drove his Roller into a tree in '87. Stockmarket Crash ruined him.

He loved that car. Used to sleep in it back in '68.

Sal: Was Sunchild sleeping with him?
Bernie: No way ...

Mickey wasn't into girls?
Sal: He was gay?

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 4 of 6)

This was a page that didn't have a script written in advance. When I was editing the other pages from my initial draft this episode was reworked until there was an empty page. So I rewrote the previous page and added this one in to give Pukey/Neil something to say (he was being too quiet), and to create some tension between our two police-people.

So below is a fake script done after the fact, for the sake of completeness ...

Page FOUR

4/1
Leaving Stu's house heading to the police car.
Neil: Um, Ma'am?
Sal: Yes, Pukey.

4/2
Neil: There's a LOT of cannabis in that house.
Sal: Is there really?

4/3
Sal: You sure it wasn't Oregano? Stu does a lot of cooking.

4/4
Neil: Um, I don't think ... well, ... maybe?

4/5
They get into the police car.

4/6
Neil: Should we check ... or something?

4/7
Sal explaining how the world works.
Sal: Stu's a good bloke. He doesn't sell to youngsters and doesn't get violent.

4/8
Sal: ... and we wouldn't want the local oregano business falling into gthe wrong hands, would we?
Neil: Um, I guess.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 3 of 6)

The apple in the background is a Beados brand piece of art by my wee girl. You assemble little dots of colour into shapes and stick them together using water. Then you find small beads of colour everywhere for the next week and try to stop the one-year old boy eating them. A fun game for all the family.

I was pleased to find some Playmobil kitchen scales and some leafy greenery for this page. Stu is a pirate Playombil with a few alterations, but somehow that seemed to work as a hippie drug dealer. Stu even has a cinder-block bookcase just like the one I had when I was a student, and the obligatory stolen road sign to show contempt for authority.

Page THREE

At the house of Stu, the local soft drugs dealer. Stu is fairly harmless, if a little old. Neil wanders around noting all the illegal substances, while Stu and Sal talk about the old days.

3/1
Stu: Yeah. I remember that concert. Old Bernie was in one of the bands.
Sal: So I hear.

3/2
He was good too. Although not that day.

3/3
Stu: Rain really came in. We all just went home.
Sal: Do you remember a girl there who was into suns?

3/4
Stu: Oh, yeah, do I ever ... She was crazy hot. Whacked out on Love and Peace and stuff.

3/5
Sal: Any idea what her real name was?
Stu: Not sure. She just called herself Sunchild. She was staying with Mickey Fresno. He was the agent for the bands.

3/6
Sal: Thanks, Stu.
Stu: No problem.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 2 of 6)

These one-sided conversation pages are my favourite ones on Dark Bay. Not sure why.

They are easy to setup, I guess.

They are fun to layout.

They are fun to write.

I guess that's why then.

Below is the original, very minimal script. Obviously I edited as I went.

Page TWO
One-side phone conversation, again.

Yes, sir.

No. I'm sure they're suns, not flowers .

I think it's a easy mistake to make, sir.

No, sir. No ID yet. But at least ...

No. I don't think she was local.

Yes, that does complicate matters.

Yes, sir. I'll get on it.
(click)

Arsehole.

What was that, Ma'am ... Sal?
We've got some work to do, Pukey

We need to go talk to some old hippies.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY THREE (page 1 of 6)

The limitations of using Playmobil are apparent in this page. Bernie could not be persuaded to take his jacket off and show his scar. Playmobil are shy creatures. So I went with the flashback frame reprise instead.

At least we had a female figure with something that passed for a hippie outfit, necklace and sun tattoo. That was something of a find in the big box of assorted people.

A wee box of Playmobil sized rugby jerseys was delivered to me today. One step closer to the Utterly Rucked almost comic.

Page ONE

1/1
Bernie showing his scar.
Bernie: She got me good. Completely mental.
TITLES: Dark Bay
Part Three: Old Wounds

1/2
Sal: Why did she try to kill you, Bernie?
Bernie: No idea. Never saw her before or since.

1/3
Sal: Was she on drugs?
Bernie: It was the sixties and she was at a psychedelic rock concert. What do you think?

1/4
Sal: You wouldn't know her name I suppose.
Bernie: Nope.

1/5
Bernie: She did wear a cool necklace though. Lots of suns.

1/6
Bernie: And she had a sun tattoo as well.

1/7
Bernie: Maybe she was called Sunny?

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 6 of 6)

The final page of this episode. More soon.

Page SIX
Hi, Sal.
Hi Bernie. You never told me you were a guitarist.

Long time ago, Sal. Hardly anyone remembers.
You played a concert down in the Hobson's bottom field once.

Back in the sixties. Yeah. Just about electrocuted the band, it got so wet.

Anything odd happen that day?
You mean apart from the torrential rain? Don't remember much happening. We just dried off and went home.

Really? Cause I did some research ....

Oh wait ... yeah, I do remember something a little bit weird.

There was a crazy chick who tried to kill me.
(show crazy attacking girl)

Next episode soon ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 5 of 6)

Okay, so the script calls for readable newspaper text ... but I'm lazy.

Page FIVE

Sal and Niel (the other cop) talking in Margret's house over newspaper archives.

5/1
Sal :The Lemon Tongues and the Capricorn Medicine Show.
Neil: What's that, Ma'am?

5/2
Sal: Sal. Call me Sal.
Neil: Sorry ... Sal.

5/3
Sal: Two bands played in that field on a rainy day in 68.

5/4
Sal (pointing at photo in paper): Hey! I know this guy. He's a local.

5/5
Headline reads ... rain and violence at music concert

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 4 of 6)

As I've said before, my typed scripts for this strip are minimal, especially once I realized I was going to be making it into an almost comic. The typed script became a starting point, which was then heavily edited as I used the Macs little Comic Life software to lay out the story. The layout was then edited several times, the final time being when the pictures were added.

So below is my original, very minimal script.

Page FOUR
It was them hippies.
Hippies?

Oh yes. Before the current crop of artists and sculptors it was the damn hippie counter culture invading the Bay.

In New Zealand?

Oh yes. Weirdos know no international boundaries. There was even a music festival here.
Like Woodstock?

More like Rainstock. Hardly anyone came and the field was flooded. My late husband's idea to let them use the bottom field. He always was a sucker for a pretty face.

They only had two bands booked anyway.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 3 of 6)

I'd like to thank my hand model for this page, my darling wife. There are just some things you can't get a Playmobil to do.

Page THREE

3/1
Large frame of the new kid with takeout coffee.
Neil: Here's your coffee, Ma'am.
Sal: Call me Sal. You get sugar for me.

3/2
Neil: Eight. As requested.

3/3
(Sal pockets it)

3/4
Neil: I thought it was for the coffee?
Sal: Nah. I'm sweet enough.

3/5
Sal: Or don't you think so?
Neil: Um ...

3/6
Sal: Right! I'm going to go talk to the family that used to own the land.
Neil: What About me?

3/7
Sal: You're going to go to the house of a single, educated woman and look through her ...

3/8
Sal: ... collection of newspapers.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 2 of 6)

I got a little 'arty' with the panel layouts for this, but not as arty as I'd hope an actual artist would render this. As will a lot of the 'talky' stuff I write, as long as it's clear who is talking the art can focus on whatever it likes. Hence the dog in the foreground of two panels, and all the one-picture-across-multiple-panels stuff. The script intentionally makes no direction how these pages should be drawn.

Page TWO
Sal(ly) talking to the newspaper woman, Margaret in Margaret's house.

2/1
When did the paper close?
Mid-Eightes.

2/2
I used to write for it
Oh?

2/3
Had to do something with all that education I got at Uni. Shame it closed.

2/4
I could spend weeks looking through this.
Years.

2/5
Is it okay if I send someone else over to look through this?
Sure. Who you have in mind.

2/6
There's a new cop in town, Margaret. And he's about to learn that real police work is unbelievably boring.

Continued soon ...

Script: DARK BAY TWO (page 1 of 6)

The scripts have got less and less structured as Dark Bay goes along. My current method is to write dialogue in a text file, then edit as I put it into the comic layout program. Editing is usually in the form of massive cuts and edits, reducing the amount of words in each frame and tightening up the speech. But for the sake of completeness I'll included a revised script page to act as a companion to each page.

I've been busy writing a silly parody comic for my own amusement, which will probably find its way onto the blog in the future.

There's a full-sized London KEA's rugby jersey being made as I type, and it looks great. So the epic project that is the Utterly Rucked almost-comic inches ever closer.

Page ONE

Looking at (not through) old newspapers in the old librarian's house.
Find what you're looking for, Sal?
No. But then I don't know what I'm looking for.

Something to solve a fifty year old murder I guess.

You remember anything odd from those days?
Like what?

Like someone going missing?
My brother ran of to Sydney in '74.

No, someone who was never seen again.
Doesn't ring a bell. Not around then. But I was just a kid.

Continued tomorrow ...

Script: DARK BAY ONE (page 6 of 6)

The final page of part one. That's my wife's hand in the penultimate panel. You try and make a Playmobil figure give the finger.d

One advantage of turning the script into a almost-comic is that I realize when I've put too many words, or the wrong words, into a frame. I get to edit as I got, modify the text, make improvements. Fiddle. Sometimes I even add words in, but usually I take them out.

As I've said before, the six-page length for these scripts is not completely arbitrary. They could easily be collected into a 24-page or 30-page full episode. But forcing myself to think of the story as six-page blocks makes it more focused. There can't be too many filler pages this way. Things have to happen. I think in a story like this one that is even more important. Stories set in sleepy towns have the danger of becoming ... sleepy.

Part two will be posted soon.

Page SIX

6/1
(Puking noise)
What's up with him?
Car sick. Didn't like the ride over the hill.

6/2
For fuck's sake.
Here's the initial report from the tech boys.

6/3
Jesus. What language is it in?
Geek speak.

She had a flower necklace.

A sixties woman with a flower neckalce. That'll narrow things down.

6/4
Well. Have fun. And go easy on the kid.
Pukey McPuke? I'll be nice. I promised the boss.

6/5
What did the poor bastard do to get tossed out in the wops with me anyway?
No idea ...

6/6
Probably nothing worse that what you buried yourself with.

6/7
(gives finger as car drives off).

6/8
C'mon, Vomitlad ... let's go fight some crime.

END of part one

Script: DARK BAY ONE (page 5 of 6)

The 'cellphone' in this page ended up being the big police radio, as it was the closest thing to a cellphone we had in the toy box. Despite the 'retro feel' this give it is meant to be set in the present day.

This script contains the slightly cryptic note 'add in silent frames'. I wanted to convey the moments in a one-sided phone conversation where you are listening. I liked the idea so much it reoccurs in several episodes of Dark Bay (I've written ten episodes so far). The reader has to imply the other side of the conversation, which is something I always do in my head in these situations. Hopefully the next page (tomorrow) will make this page's 'missing' conversation side make more sense.

Meanwhile the ideas are coming thick and fast ... I've another Dungeon's & Dragons inspired strip that will make an appearance at some point. I have a superhero story bubbling away. There's a SF idea that won't get out of my head, and there are a couple of other things jostling for attention (they just won't leave me alone at night!) And there are all those previously posted scripts that want to be draw or made into almost comics. Do Playmobil make a cockroach I wonder?

Page FIVE
add in silent frames.

5/1
Talking on phone
Yes, sir. Sure.

5/2
No problem.

5/3
Yeah ... yeah, I get it.

5/4
No, I don't need a ...

5/5
I really don't need a ...

5/6
I really don't need a ...

5/7
Okay, okay ... Jesus.

5/8
Yes, sir. I will.

5/9
(click)
Damn. Just what I need.